The No Contact Rule- Important Reminders
I did a Skype coaching session from someone who started watching my videos a few weeks ago. During the session we discovered a key element that was causing confusion about the no contact rule.
So I have some really important reminders of why we do the no contact rule and how to use it effectively.
He sent me an awesome email after my coaching so first I’m going to share that, then I’m going to clarify a few things about no contact.
I wanted to give you a very heartfelt thank you for your time with me today. Thank you
It's amazing to me how much I, along with others thought they knew about women, relationships and even themselves/myself. That was until I found you. Your videos have helped me tremendously and I will continue to watch them. Not just once. But again and again.
I have learned so much in this short time and will continue to learn.
Your coaching session today was very effective. Your words of advice resonated with me. You helped to put me in a better place of understanding and point me in the direction that I need to be going.
I watched another 3 videos.
-How to be her mountain
-How to be her Superman
-Be her best option.....
Along with working on myself to get better, I want to be Christine best option. I know in my heart that I am her best option. Although my heart aches (with tears in my eyes as I write this), I will work on becoming a better man. For myself and Christine. I also want you Craig, to be proud of me as I continue to follow your advice. You are very wise, personable, caring etc. I can feel your passion in what you do and you truly care about the health and happiness of others. Another goal I have is to be able to contact you with a success story. To be able to let you know that Christine and I have reunited. In the meantime, I will continue to learn and apply and do the things I need to move forward and achieve that goal. Bye for now.
So let me talk about No Contact, why it’s important, and how to use it effectively.
If a woman breaks up with you, I suggest that you tell her, how you love her and want to work things out and to contact you if they change their mind. You aren’t trying to be cold here. You are simply trying to negotiate terms to your liking.
You want a good deal. Anything less than what you want is a bad deal!!! Accepting friendship is a terrible deal. Because you’re not getting what you want.
If you went in to buy a Ferrari and they say here is a 1989 Ford Escort for the same price, would you accept the deal? Hell no. Only accept deals on YOUR terms.
You are the star of your own movie! She is not the star of your movie! There are several reasons for making no contact. If someone breaks up with you, it has to be their idea to get back together.
Now, if you have not told her “Call me if you change your mind”, that’s okay! You don’t want to contact them to tell them that. They will figure it out. You tell them that IF someone breaks up with you.
You’re going to look foolish if you call someone to say hey, I’m not going to contact you anymore, call me if you change your mind.
Aside from using no contact as a way to move on for your life (this video is if you want your ex back and you use no contact).
You are saying I’m moving on with my life and then you DO IT. You cannot initiate contact for any reason.
Why, any form of communication. Likes on any kind of social media, text messages, ANYTHING tells that person you are STILL interested.
A woman is more attracted to men who’s feelings are UNCLEAR.
She MUST be completely unclear that you will ever contact her again. As a matter of fact, you want her to think that she won’t ever contact her again…WHY? Anxiety is the root of desire. The things we are anxious about are the things you desire.
So if you want her to desire you, she has to be anxious that she has lost you. This is why jealousy works. Because she is afraid she is going to lose you.
Now, here is a very important point. No contact means you do not INITIATE contact. IF and when they contact you, do not ignore them. Now, I would make them wait a while (that will cause their anxiety to rise and want you more) but maybe like the next day.
Remember they dumped you. Now, you were probably doing things to hurt them, make them feel trapped, or had insecure behavior.
But their value of you dropped to the point where they would rather be without you, then try to work it out.
So take your time replying and act indifferent when they message you. You’re happy if you are with her and it would be great to see her, but you are okay if you don’t.
If your ex messages you, most likelyby using the indirect/direct approach.
Some kind of bizarre or confusing text message. But when a woman contacts you ALWAYS assume it’s because SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU.
Simply invite her over to your place to hang out. Tell her to bring over some wine. You want romance to happen.
Forget about talking. No talking about your feelings. There has to be a bit of fantasy to this. Talking about feelings just kills the fantasy for her.
YOU NEED INTIMACY AND DESIRE.
Once you start having sex again, your body will begin to release all the chemicals that make you feel good. Oxytocin, Serotonin.
Then after you have hooked up for a little while her body will release bonding hormones and she will want to be back together.
So remember, no contact is not about ignoring your ex. It’s about getting the relationship on YOUR Terms. It’s about getting them to get anxious about losing you, causing them to desire you again.