I’m Jealous Over My Partners Opposite Sex Friends
In this video I’m going to talk about jealousy over your partner’s platonic friends.
I got an email here from a woman who is having a real difficult time accepting that her boyfriend has 2 very close female friends.
I have done numerous Skype coachings with her since the email so I can go a little off the email. This was her initial email and so I thought it would be helpful to you guys.
I want to get right into the email from Michelle: She says Hi Craig, I’m writing to you because I have a really bad problem. I have a very anxious attachment style. I have experienced some pretty severe abuse growing up. I know that it has a serious effect on me on a daily basis. Thanks to your videos I realize I feel disconnected easily and then I have emotional melt downs.
I started dating a guy a few months ago and he has been great. However, he has two long term female friends. He briefly hooked up with one of them for a few months several years ago. He didn’t tell me at first and so I kind of felt like he was hiding it.
She has tried to be my friend and include me in things. We have done group things with her and her kids. I can’t help that
Obviously when you start dating people already have other people in their lives. They have their own past with both men and women.
One of the things that can be challenging someone is the relationships they have with other people
It can be for a number of reasons: Maybe you are jealous of them spending time with them, the level of intimacy that they share, possibly a romantic past.
I have several ex’s that I am friends with. I would never disrespect their relationship.
The problem is that you are insecure. You have serious attachment wounds and trauma. You have difficulty trusting others.
You are hyper vigilant that your partner is going to leave you.
This is more about feeling like your caregivers, the people who were supposed to meet your needs, not taking care of you than him.
Look at his behavior:
Both he and the 2 female friends are making a real effort to be up front, honest, and supportive with you.
Remember what we fear we attract. You are afraid you are going to lose him to her. You are going to cause that to happen.
You have to focus on what you want. You want to keep reminding yourself that you want a great relationship with this person. Focus and remind yourself what can you do to make your relationship better?
You cant control anyone, if they want to be with that person, they will be. You must love your partner in a way that they feel free.
Now, it sounds like your boyfriend is truly invested in you. He hasn’t dated that girl in years (she is and has been single) so they could have if they wanted.
Is it rational and is it likely to happen?
From him There needs to be transparency and Honesty
If he says or does something that you wouldn’t want him to do, you will lose trust.
Your partner must be the one to police himself. I always found it hilarious on Jerry Springer when they wouldn’t blame the cheating partner… they would blame that other person. That other person doesn’t owe you anything. Your partner does!
Don’t be with someone you don’t trust
Your attitude in relationships should always be: If you want someone else, fine by me.
It comes across as secure and confident. It keeps you from doing things out of anxiety and fear.