Be Her Superman
I got an email here from Ernie. Hey Craig, I’ve been watching your videos and I have to say, excellent job. I get a little overwhelmed trying to learn everything. I really liked How To Make Your Partner Feel Loved and The Real Reason Relationships Fail. I was wondering if you could do another video on things to make relationships healthier. I want to be the man of my woman’s dream.
I think most guys want to be a woman’s hero. They want to be the guy to save her.
So I found a way for every guy to wear a cape for their woman. It’s not your typical cape. Like Frank Costanza’s lawyer wears.
This C.A.P.E is an acronym. It stands for Curiosity, Acceptance, Playfulness and Empathy.
Guys making relationships work is not easy. I hear a lot of people complain, a relationship shouldn’t be this much work. And I say, yes they are avoidant attachment types.
They’re the ones that say relationships take the most work. And for them it’s probably true. Because they have to learn so many more skills and abilities that they’ve never done before. So for them, it is work.
But this is a simple little way to remind yourself of some of the very core things that can make your relationship go well. Remember negativity is one of the worst things to have in a relationship.
Often times we are so unconscious of how negative we are. Think of what negativity means.
Negation. Any thing you do to another person that makes them less than you.
You do it all the time and you’re not even aware of it.
So what can you do to put on your C.A.P.E
Curiosity- active interest in your partner. What they like, what their experience is like, what their past is like. Ask them what their dreams are. Ask them about their childhood. Be genuinely curious about them.
People always ask me what to talk about on dates. Be curious about them! It goes a long way!
Acceptance- unconditionally accept who they are. Often times we try to change people because we don’t accept their otherness. We are afraid to accept who they are because we are afraid it will invalidate who we are. That it somehow makes us less. We are both equal. Even when we disagree.
Playfulness- Love should be playful and fun. A lot of times when we aren’t playful it’s because we haven’t had our needs met. If you were neglected in some area as a child we often tend to be depressed about it. The more you can play, the healthier your condition. The healthier the relationship.
Empathy- Understanding the other person’s world. What they are experiencing. Putting yourself in their shoes.
When your woman comes home from work and tells you about her problems with her boss, she doesn’t want you to fix her problem, she wants you to listen. She wants you to be present with her.
When Empathy is gone humanity is gone. We are now in a transactional world. We transact to get our needs met. We transact to our advantage which is based on our absorption. If they don’t want what I want they’re wrong. They’re in the wrong place. Losing empathy, other people become objects
You become an object to me, you’re no longer a person. I can then treat you anyway I want to treat you to get you to respond to my self-absorbed needs. Yell at you, scream at you, ignore you, deprive you, you’re not a person.