We need to talk (how to handle that talk)
Today I’m going to discuss the dreaded 4 words you never want to hear someone say: We need to talk.
We all know that a lot of the time it really means. I’m breaking up with you.
Maybe you’re sensing that your partner is ready to give you the “we need to talk speech” or maybe they even said “We need to talk” and you haven’t talked yet.
The reason I’m doing this video is because I get a lot of guys asking me how to handle this situation and by the time they get to me the talk is already done and mistakes have been made.
If you guys sense that your girlfriend or wife is about to leave you, contact me immediately. Go to AskCraig.net. Sign up for the coaching option as soon as you can. I am very busy and hesitating will make the difference in when I can get to you. The sooner I get with you, the more likely I can help you correct an issue before you make any more mistakes. If I can get with you before the talk, that would be ideal.
I got an email from Martin who said: Hey Martin that said, my girlfriend and I haven’t been getting along the past few months. She is out of town with her family and says she wants to see me when we return. She said We need to talk when I get back. I have a feeling like she is going to break up with me. Please help. I love her, what do I do in this situation. I am really worried.
He is already having separation anxiety. When that happens people lose emotional self control.
So what do you do If your girl says:+ I’m not happy, I want to break up. Panic. Run out of the house and don’t look back.
I’m totally kidding. Say, Oh is that it? I thought it was something important.
Okay don’t do that either. But believe it or not, that reaction would make her more attracted to you than begging for her to give you another chance.
She will probably give you some of the BS reasons as to why she’s breaking up with you. I don’t want a relationship now. I’m busy with school. It’s not you, it’s me. None of that is true.
What it means is her attraction level for you has dropped. Bottom line. It dropped to a point where she would rather be single than with you. Right now she’s not in love with you- at the moment.
A woman in love will do ANYTHING to keep someone she loves. You ever heard the song by Barbara Streisand? I am a woman in love and I’d do anything to get you into my world and hold you within.
So what do you do? Accept the break up. You may try to talk her out of it. DON’T. I know it is terrifying that you think if it ends it will end for good. That is not usually the case.
Tell her you love her and that isn’t what you want. Tell her if she changes her mind to call you.
If she says I’m not going to change my mind. DO NOT TRY TO ARGUE THAT. Simply say People change their mind all the time and leave it at that. She’ll probably start trying to console you saying that she’s not going to.
Of course right now she is going to say that! That is how she feels! If she thought she would change her mind, she wouldn’t be breaking up with you.
You know how when you just ate a huge meal, you feel like you’ll never want to eat again… You really feel like that at the time and you can’t even remember what it was like to be hungry. Obviously I’m using that as an example so you can see that feelings change. I don’t want to get 100 emails saying how dare you equate being hungry to love.
If she tells you she wants to say friends. Tell her you are not interested in being just friends. Politely decline.
Your behavior will make a huge difference on her attraction level and re attracting her.
You may make the mistake of trying to use logic and reason. You may try to convince them to stay. The more you do, the more you are making them feel trapped. That will only push her away further.
NEVER try to talk to a woman logically about working it out. I’ve tried it. It does not work. That does not change their feelings.
She need time and space away from you. Chances are you were saying and doing things to make them feel trapped.
So you take all the space you want. You are now a free man to date whoever you want. Do it. When she starts to realize that she is going to lose you, then her feelings will change.
So to summarize: If a woman ever surprises you with We Need to Talk. Remain calm. Remember that feelings can and do change. 1) Accept the break up. Do not try to talk her out of it. 2) Tell her you love her and to call you if she changes her mind. 3) Tell her you are not interested in being friends. 4) Take space, and start dating other women.
The sooner you do the better you will feel. I’m not going to get into all the details of what to do from here. I just wanted to focus on how you handle that talk when it happens. The key is emotional self-control.