Am I ready for a relationship?
I got a follow up email from Marv who I talked about in the video. I Feel Trapped In My Relationship.
Marv says: I wanted to thank you for your advice. When I first contacted you, I told you how I was dating 3 different women and they were all getting attached. Two of the girls wanted to get serious. One left and I agreed to a committed if the relationship with one of the girls. A few weeks later a girl kissed me at a bar and I kissed her back. I questioned if I should stay in the relationship. I’m disappointed to say that I cheated on my girlfriend and made out with her. I confessed to my girlfriend and told her what happened and reiterated my apprehension to getting into a committed relationship.
Okay, what I like about what Marv did is he owned his behavior. Obviously he cheated and he knew it was wrong. So he owned up to it and told her the truth. A real adult owns it.
You can’t change anything you can’t own. So if someone ever lies or cheats on you guys and you are wondering if you should stay, the first thing you need to know is are they being honest about what really happened. If they are lying or minimizing it, they’re not going to change.
She was furious at me at first and cried the but she said she wanted to make things work between us. We are currently in an open relationship and I was completely honest with her about how I was feeling. How do I know if I’m ready for a committed relationship?
That is a good question Marv.
When you know, you know. If you’re having that many doubts, and your feelings aren’t strong enough then you’re not ready right now.
If you are wanting to do anything that you wouldn’t want them to know about, you’re not ready.
If you’re texts to anyone else are inappropriate. Or your friendships are in any way inappropriate, stay single.
You have to have empathy. Think about how you would feel if someone did those things to you. Would you feel hurt, sad, betrayed or angry if they did those things? If the answer is yes, don’t be in a relationship.
You need to ask yourself, can I do monogamy?
Don’t promise it if you can’t. Not everyone is cut out to do a monogamous relationship.
You can cause permanent harm to someone else by being unfaithful. Heartbreaks are pretty traumatizing.
Think about anytime someone broke up with you. Chances are, if you think about the time that it happened, you can remember how painful it really is.