She Doesn’t Feel Anything For Me
So one of the things that women often say to us when they are breaking up with us is that they don’t feel anything for us. In this video I’m going to explain why some women say that.
I got an email from Barry who said: Hey coach, I’m really confused about how to handle a situation with my ex girlfriend. We broke up last month after almost 3 years. She broke up with me. She said she didn’t feel anything for me anymore. I really love this girl and I still think about her all the time. Meanwhile, she didn’t seem that upset. She didn’t cry, she was kind of matter of fact about it. It seemed like I meant nothing to her.
It really hurt because it was like the girl I loved for so long was gone and she was just a shell of a person.
This happens a lot. Guys let me explain, when a woman isn’t feeling anything for you, they can appear cold and heartless. It makes it even worse doesn’t it? Like damn can you show some emotion.
With one girl, it felt like if her love was a faucet, she just turned it off without one more drip coming out.
It’s bad enough they break up with you, but then it’s like they don’t even care about you as a person anymore.
Now based on her complete lack of emotions during the break up I would guess she has a more avoidant attachment style.
So if a woman is an avoidant attachment style she is going to be a lot more likely to completely cut off all attachment. She doesn’t trust people at all so she never really attached to you in the first place.
If you don’t know about attachment styles, it is crucial to understanding both yourself and your partner. I highly recommend you watch my videos on them.
So based on the few things Barry said, I would say that he is an anxious attachment style. Probably were clingy, controlling, and needy to her. Constantly fearful that she was going to leave you, and afraid she would abandon you. She doesn’t like a lot of closeness. So a big part of the reason she broke up with you was her wanting freedom. You come on too strong and make her feel smothered.
Barry: I know there are different things you look at in someone’s history to figure things out. So to give you an idea about her life. Her father left and abandoned the family when she was about a year and a half old. When he left, her mother was depressed and she had to go live with her grandparents for a few years. She never really wanted to talk about it, but her sister who is 3 years old did.
So, this girl has no sense of safety when it comes to love. Love doesn’t make her feel protected and safe. It is dangerous and disappointing. Love to her would be like how you feel when you go to the dentist. Scary.
Barry: Is it possible that she really doesn’t care about me? That she doesn’t feel anything for me?
Unfortunately, yes. Her introduction to the world was not good. She doesn’t trust people.
She was probably neglected when her mother was depressed until she went to her grandparents. Now her sister had a better first 2 years of her life and that is why she seems healthier and more adjusted.
Barry: I still love her, what can I do to get her back?
The thing that causes to get a person’s interest is your absence. The fastest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.
When someone breaks up with you, and you want to get them back you have to remove yourself from their life as much as possible. But make it necessity only (if you have kids or work together).
If I was you, I would never call or text this girl again. Start dating other people. The minute she sees you don’t care, and believe me somehow women always know, she her interest will start going up.
A woman needs to know that if she leaves you, you are moving on and not looking back. If she is attached, she will get separation anxiety when she sees you have moved on. Separation anxiety is critical and you cannot be lingering around or it will not happen.