Why Closure is Not Important
In this video I’m going to talk with you about why closure is not important. I have 2 emails here to share that can help you understand.
Sometimes after a break up, our mind can go back and forth about things. We can replay things in our mind over and over again. We have intrusive thoughts that consume us.
Because we don’t know how to handle the uncertainty we want to force a resolution. This is unhealthy and unnatural.
The best way to handle it, especially if you want the other persons interest level to go up is to give them time and space.
But for many people, especially those of you who have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you can’t handle the uncertainty of connection. While you are insecure, you want to force it.
In your mind you are probably unconsciously hoping that you can force commitment.
Maybe you believe you can talk to them about the situation. Discuss your feelings. Buy their love or affection with gifts. None of that works!
In theory it sounds great. In movies it looks great. But it does not work. It causes people to lose interest.
Be strong. Forget closure. Here’s why: A woman’s feelings will change like the clouds in the sky and her interest level will rise and fall like the sea.
It’s like you are trying to lock her interest level into place when it’s low. Leave it alone. No talk or conversation has ever done a man good at getting a woman interested.
Email from Jason: Hey Craig, my girlfriend and I have been on again off again for about 2 months. I haven’t heard from her in about a week. I’m sick of waiting around. I want to call her and talk to her about things. I figure if we talk about things we can get on the same page. I would rather work it out, but I want closure so I can move on.
Everything you just said makes sense logically. None of that will cause a woman to be more attracted to you.
This is why men don’t understand women. Although it sounds like a great idea. Communicate like adults blah blah blah. Nope.
You would be far better off posting a picture of you on facebook with another girl. That will make her interest level skyrocket.
Calling her to talk about things won’t cause attraction. Getting on the same page won’t cause attraction. And trying to get closure won’t cause attraction. All it will do secure the end of that relationship and decrease the chances of it ever getting her back.
If you want her back don’t ever contact her again and start posting pictures of your new active social life immediately.
She’ll notice, she won’t be able to stop thinking about you. She will put herself in your orbit (most likely by contacting you about some confusing reason).
Here’s proof: I have a second email here from Omar: Hey Craig, so I just wanted to give you a follow up and a success story.
When I first contacted you I had been going through a break up. My ex was being cold and distant. My anxiety was very high and I had no idea what to do. Thankfully I found your channel and worked with you. I cannot thank you enough. The other coach I had considered wanted me to write a hand written note. I know now that note would have destroyed all chances. What I really wanted to do was to get closure. I had planned on inviting my ex to talk and just close out that chapter and move on. After being honest with myself, and you being firm with me, I realize I wasn’t really trying to get closure but force her into feeling like I was going to move on when I really didn’t want to.
Instead, after talking with you, I followed your advice. I completely left her alone. I went out a few times with some female friends. You were right. Two days after I posted pictures out with some female friends, she contacted me.
She said she was only calling to let me know her pet hamster Muffin had escaped and it took 3 days to find it. Damn dude, you were right on.
Craig: Do you see how ridiculous the excuses are?
I call it the Indirect Direct Approach. They’re putting their toe in the pool. See how you are going to respond.
I talk about this in my video called Surprise! She Came Back Again.
Omar: I told her I’d love to see her and to bring over a bottle of wine. She did, we hooked up and we are now dating again. Had I gotten closure like I wanted, I would not have gotten an update on her little Muffin.
Craig: Plus you found out about her hamster.