I love you BUT…
So many times when someone breaks up with you you’ll hear the excuse I Love You BUT
So this can be very confusing for us. We hear I love you. Often times we think “So what’s the problem?”
If you love me why are you breaking up with me…
Well because in this case, the I love you is just being prefaced to soften the blow.
The real meaning of that statement is whatever comes AFTER the but….
So if someone has just said that to you, really think about what came after the but to know what’s going on.
I got an email here from John who is 34 years old, just had this happen to him and he’s very confused.
He writes: Hey Craig, first of all I just wanted to thank you for your incredible channel and videos. I had been looking around Youtube through the different experts when I stumbled upon yours. After I watched 3 of your videos I began seeing a pattern. Your videos always stuck with me and really helped me gain insight into my behavior. The other guys I would forget what I watched after just a few minutes. You said you were going to get a Donate button up. Where is it???
I haven’t gotten around to it. But I do plan on taking all the donations and putting it into a college fund for my son. So thank you in advance to all who donate.
So the reason I am contacting you is because my girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with me. We have had our ups and downs. I realize now that I have an anxious attachment style. I was controlling with her. I used to get mad if she would go out with her girlfriends, I would text her all the time, and I would get really upset when she needed space.
I see that how that turned her off and made her feel trapped. But we went out to dinner a few weeks ago (right before I watched your videos) I took her to dinner. She told me “I love you BUT I don’t think you’re the man for me”. You’re a great guy but I see you more as a friend.
Your needy weak behavior turned her off. It destroys the polarity. There is no tension if she is constantly acting like your mommy. You need to be a strong, confident, secure man. You want to be her secure base. She comes to you when she needs you.
What you need to understand is when you hear a BUT the important part is about to come. Nothing before the word BUT really counts.
Here are some examples: We think you’re qualified for the job… BUT... I think you’re great… BUT I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now.
The But negates everything you heard.
So if your partner says I love you BUT, know that she’s just going to give you an excuse.
I can’t keep her words out of my head. She seems so sincere when she said I love you. If she loves me than why wouldn’t she want to work it out? I want to be honest, I cried at dinner. I wouldn’t have been able to admit that to you, but because you have opened up about it in your videos I can say it. Do I still have a chance with this girl? Please help.
Okay let’s start with the good news. Always remember that what a woman says is how she is feeling in that moment and a woman’s feelings change like the clouds move across the sky and their interest level rises and falls like the sea.
You definitely have a chance. You were with this girl for 6 years. What you need to do right now is work on yourself. Do not contact her for any reason. Watch all my videos. Trust me. Start at the first one and go through them all. You have to work on your insecure attachment style.
You will feel like a new man. We have our coaching scheduled so that is going to help you a lot.
I got a second email from a guy who wanted to share his success story with me. He says: Hi Craig, I am super pumped and excited to tell you that your coaching helped.
We did 3 coaching sessions together and my life has completely changed. I found you when my girlfriend had broken up with me and I was devastated. But I did as you said and watched your videos day and night for about 2 months.
I started feeling more and more confident. I bumped into the girl I have had a crush on for 2 years one day and asked her out. She said to me “you seem different” I smiled her at her and said “find out for yourself when I take you out”. She gave me her number and went on an amazing date. I have never felt so confident. We hooked up 3 times already and she has been blowing up my phone.
By the way: My ex saw pictures of me and has texted me 3 times already. I said give me a call in another week. I might be free then. I haven’t decided if I will go out with her or not. I’m going to tell her what she told me: I love you BUT: I’m not sure I want to date you anymore.