I just found out they cheated
So I got a video from someone seeking my help on what to do when they found out their partner cheated. One of the hardest, scariest, and bravest things someone can do is to fall in love.It’s an incredibly brave because every time we get into a relationship we risk heart break.
That is why I tell you guys time and time again to take your time. You really don’t know someone until it’s been about two years. You have to see how they handle holidays, different times of year, job stress.
Certain times of years will bring up anniversaries of traumatic past events. Like that big Mothers day fight. You have to see how they are able to communicate and how committed they are to your relationship.
If you are dating someone who experienced trauma at an early age, it will likely mean you are going to deal with a partner who has less emotional self-control. That is also the case if they have an anxious attachment style. The result is going to be more arguments and a greater feeling of disconnection.
Hey Craig, So I wanted to say that I am absolutely devastated. I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has cheated on me.
Let me tell you something if you have had someone cheat on you and you feel bad about it, you deserve better! If you think you have to settle for someone that disrespects you and has no loyalty to their word, you’re wrong. They have no integrity and they probably never will.
I got a FB message from a girl that told me my man was not only cheating on me with her, but also other women. The problem was that the message was in the folder that I didn’t see so it was about a month ago. It said he was hooking up with not only her but other girls as well. She said she had pictures of him and her together and that he would send her videos of him pleasuring himself. He would tell her all the time that he would be thinking of her when him and I made love. I called her and she tried to change the story and say her phone was hacked.
That’s a load of BS. You got all the truth you’re going to get from that girl in that first message. She was angry at him for whatever reason and she told the truth. Now she feels guilty. You can expect from here on out that everything he tells you is going to be a lie. Why? Because he’s a liar and a cheater. If he was lying to you when he wasn’t caught, what do you think he’s gunna do when he is? He’s gunna lie even more.
I confronted him and I demanded he tell the truth. HE said, what do you want to know. He said they hooked up a few times. She lived 45 minutes away. And that they would talk all the time, but not see each other. I’m so heartbroken because we were supposed to get married in 4 months.
I am very sorry he hurt you and that you’re going through this. Forget about those details. Guys if someone has cheated you: Ignore the details. If you think about them they’re going to eat you alive. Plus whatever they tell you, half of it is going to be made up.
Focus on the facts. He may have love you, but not enough to stay faithful. This wasn’t just one time thing. It was multiple girls and who knows how often.
Now if you want an open relationship with this man, go for it. But if you want someone you can feel close with and know will be honest and faithful, move on.
I am so sad and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. Can we fix this?
Is it possible to repair the relationship and make it stronger than it was before? Absolutely. It’s possible. But it’s going to be painful and take a lot of time and work. You’ll have to decide if it’s really worth it to you.
What would you do Craig?
For me personally, hell no. I don’t tolerate any type of cheating. I wouldn’t even tolerate one of my girlfriend’s kissing someone else (but that is just me).
What can I do to get over this if I want to move on?
Okay, I have been there. Believe me, nobody had a more difficult time with heartbreak than I did. That’s why I do what I do.
You have to talk about it. Experts all the way back to Freud said when something traumatic happens You have to talk about it. And that’s what I’m saying. Talk about it talk about it talk about it. That’s the only way to heal.
Sign up for some coaching sessions with me. I know what I’m doing. I’ve been a therapist since 2002. I’m not only going to coach you and give you that support you need, I am also going to help you figure out what went wrong, and where to go from here.
I know how painful break ups are. I do. To be honest, there was a point where I was so sad about a break up, I went to my therapist twice a week for months. That’s why I became passionate about this topic.
There are some other great ways to heal. Exercise is incredibly helpful, enjoy your hobbies and interests (even if you don’t feel like it), spend time with friends and family, go outside and get sunshine. It will get better!