My Life Sucks
Today’s video is about a guy who’s going through a really difficult time right now and has come to me for help.
Hey Coach, I’m going to be honest. My life sucks right now. I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore. I feel lonely and alone. The girl that I’ve given my heart to doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t even understand why. I was a great guy to her. We have a 4-year-old daughter together and I always put her and our daughter first. We have been on and off for the past few years.
Email Continued: I really still love her, but I know she has problems. She just refuses to see it. I’ve always been encouraging and supporting. I don’t know if she’s depressed. I kind of think she is. She lives in a fantasy world of how she wants life to be. She wants a guy that has a lot of money, I do okay, but I’m not rich. It makes me so sad sometimes. After watching your videos I understand that she has an avoidant attachment style. I really want it to work, but I know she’s going on dates with other guys. I saw her texting a guy right in front of me. Is there any way she will ever change and want to work things out with me?
Okay, tough email. So first of all let me say, you are really brave to open up and be honest with yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been in a very similar situation with my ex before.
Let me start with your ex first and I’ll share some of my thoughts. It sounds like your ex is depressed. If she is, that could be a major factor in everything that she does.
It also seems like she doesn’t really value you. You seem like you really love this girl. For whatever reason, she doesn’t care about you that much. But if she has an avoidant attachment style, she doesn’t care about anyone that much. Except probably your daughter. So that also plays a big part in your situation.
I think it’s kind of rude for her to be texting a guy in front of you. That shows she really doesn’t care about how you feel. Especially if she knows you still care about her (which based on how you talk, she must know). All she seems to care about is what is going to make her feel good in the moment. But I bet if you did that in front of her, she would notice real fast.
Now, you say that you love her and you have a daughter together so I can understand why you would want it to work out. Now, you want to know will she change? Can it work out?
Okay, can she change? Obviously anyone can, but she seems really unmotivated to do so at this time. Something is going to have to happen in order for that to occur. She probably needs a wake up call. So first and foremost you have to stop being a back up plan for her. She is using you for a crutch.
Cut yourself out of her life as much as humanly possible, other than your daughter. Do not call her for any reason, other than a valid situation regarding your daughter. Now, don’t lie to yourself. The reason has to be valid. If it isn’t, she will see through it 100 percent and know you are still her crutch.
You have to be absent in her life. Gone. The reason is, that she needs to be realize that if she doesn’t do something, she’s going to be alone on the dance floor. So do not call her or text her unless absolutely necessary. Scarcity creates value and the quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.
So cut her out of your life for as long as you want to be with her romantically.
Now, the next thing you need to do is start dating other women. One of the most attractive traits a man can have is to be attractive to other women. Go on as many dates as possible and have fun. Somehow women always know. It’s like the universe sends them a message that you’ve moved on. As soon as you do, they want you back.
In her case, she will probably contact you about some unimportant thing regarding your daughter. If you are confused as to why she’s contacting you, that’s her indirect direct way of seeing how you’ll respond.
Flirt with her to gauge her interest. Be like, so you missed me already? She’ll probably be like “No, I’m only texting you about (insert fake excuse here). You say okay, well when you miss me let me know and we can have fun together.
Now, the reason you are suffering is because things are different than you want them to be. I believe things happen for a reason. So, either you are meant to find someone better, or she has to go through this to see what she has lost.
Either way, you deserve to be happy. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work.