Do Feelings REALLY Change?

Today we're going to be talking about, do feelings really change. Big topic. I know so many of you worry about that every single day. And I could totally understand it because when you're in a situation like a breakup and somebody says, I'm done, I'm over this. I don't want to work this out. And you feel devastated and hopeless, it feels like that's it. That's the way it stays forever. Okay. So I got a quick email today and we're going to talk about this. Okay. And before we start, I just want to say, make sure you guys subscribe to the channel that way, you know, that we continue to grow and help people and push those other channels away. That spew a little nonsense, you know who you are. So let me get to this email.

Craig (01:40):

They said, hi, coach Craig and Margaret. I know you've talked a lot about situations that are hopeless turning around. Sometimes that feels like false hope in my situation. People talk about false hope. Quite often. We'll get to that in a minute. I'll let you talk about false hope. Do you think that even if an ex really says they never want to see you again, that it can really turn around? Sometimes I get scared that you just say that to make us feel better. Oh, okay. Well, I could totally understand why you would feel like that. Okay. you know, you guys have to understand that we are in a very different position than you are. Okay. You are on the end of a recent breakup and everything is terrifying. Margaret and I are on the other end of it and we see tons of people every week and we've been doing it for a long time now. So we see when situations that are really hopeless. Absolutely do turn around. I have seen situations that the person was like, I'm never coming back. In fact, we share those emails sometimes. "I'm Never coming back. I never want to see you again. I never want to have another chance with this" and they absolutely can get turned around. Now, sometimes you guys feel like that there are situations of false hope. "Well, You're just giving us false hope." Margaret, what do you think about that?

Margaret (03:10):

Well, I think it would be irresponsible of us to do that. And you know, we're more likely to tell you how it is then to give you false hope. And we have seen all kinds of feelings change. Have you ever been so angry at someone that you never wanted to see them again, talk to them again, know that they existed in the world again, and most people don't feel that way longterm over very many people, particularly someone they were close to. Okay. And people can say all kinds of things when they're angry,

Craig (03:44):

Or if they want you to leave them alone, they're just, they're cold. And they're in that moment. They are like, I don't want to deal with you.

Margaret (03:51):

You feel like you're chilled to your spine and you need your mittens and your coat. But again, feelings change over time. It could have to do with a fight they had with the boss that day, the way their mother treated the most of the time they were growing up, all kinds of things can go into the angry things we say to each other, but trust us, we would rather have you unhappy and facing the truth than try to give you false hope. But we believe that most situations have hope in that because we've seen it over and over again. Yep. Okay. Yeah.

Craig (04:29):

It's just about, you know, focusing on the personal growth in the meantime, and then when you get an opportunity in front of your ex, again, show them a newer, more attractive version of yourself where you're not dramatic when you're not begging and you're crying anymore and you're actually showing them, wow, you've really made changes. You've done things that you, I didn't think you were going to do. You've made progress. I've had people just recently that had drinking problems and they stopped drinking. So they make complete life changes and they're going into therapy when their partner thought they'd never get into therapy or they're actually working on communication skills and, you know, committed to being a better partner. And yes, that is a lot more attractive than who you were before.

Margaret (05:17):

One of the other things is it depends on what you think you deserve. Okay. And there are many people out there who got all kinds of messages growing up, that they were not good people and that they didn't deserve to have good things happen to them. And if you're one of those, even aside from the situation you're dealing with, you're a human being. You're a good person because you breathe and you are here and you deserve to have things turned around. Okay?

Craig (05:46):

Yeah. It's really, really tough because some people are so upset and frustrated about their particular situation that they get angry at us or how we see things. Now we are very upfront and when we say not, everybody's going to get a chance with their ex it's simply not going to happen for all of you. We wish that everybody would, but we don't say that. Okay. We don't talk about percentages unless it's been researched. We don't spew that kind of nonsense because you know, Margaret, her philosophy has been for years ever since I've known her, is that we can talk about and deal with anything,

Margaret (06:28):

Right. If we're willing to look at it. Absolutely.

Craig (06:31):

Okay. So that's how we stand about it. Some of you will not get another chance with your ex, but many of you will surprisingly hear from your ex again. And when you do, leave comments, so that people know that it does happen. Exes say I'm never coming back. I never want to see you again. They think that the grass is greener. Like they think that their other options are better or they just, they don't feel the same way about you. And then in time they realize how much you really did mean to them.

Margaret (07:09):

Another thought has just gone through my mind that if you have an experience where you have a parent who left you and disappeared, it would be hard for you to have a whole lot of hope about relationships, redeeming themselves. I could readily understand that. So if that's one of the things that happened to you, yes, it happened to you. And it was real. But actually that cannot happen again, since you've already dealt with that parent and most situations turn around and later in life that parent could look for you, all those things can happen. But if you've had that kind of a loss, it would be hard to hope. And you could say, what are these people talking about? People do leave, and just never come back at all. But not often.

Craig (08:00):

Yeah. Sometimes they do leave. It depends upon the situation because your situations are so different. You should see how different my calls are in any given day. Right? Right. It's just all over the map. If you sat and heard my calls, you would see that so many of them are extremely different now over any given month, you're gonna see a lot of similarities, but you're going to see a lot of differences. You know, I had a guy today that the girlfriend broke up with him right around the anniversary of the, one of the parent's death. So we had an anniversary reaction and thanks to the channel he was, a little familiar with that when I brought it up to him, you know? So we talked about that and, and how to, you know, navigate that.

Margaret (08:50):

What I want to say to this gentleman is you can't be that unlovable. Okay. You cannot be so that someone would never, ever even debate coming back to you. Yeah.

Craig (09:01):

Yeah. You know, there's a lot of reasons why somebody could leave a relationship. But there's also a lot of reasons why they could come back. Sure. You know, sometimes the person was frustrated with the way the relationship was going. They couldn't deal with things going the way they were. And they're like, I'm done, I'm over it. I have to get out. I can't keep feeling like this, but if you leave them alone and you let them deal with things, process, things, think about things and come back to you when they're ready, you're going to be a lot more likely to repair it or have another opportunity if it presents itself. So yes, feelings really do change all the time. And it's absolutely true. It's true for men. And it's true for women.

Margaret (09:52):

Absolutely. Think of your parents. I mean, you can remember both of your parents being extremely anxious, angry, safer for all sorts of different reasons and they're fine a day or two later feelings do change. Yeah.

Craig (10:06):

Yeah, absolutely. So I hope you, you know, feel a little bit better about this, knowing that a lot of times, time is a key factor in having an opportunity with your ex again, how much time it takes. It's different for everybody. And there's a lot of different factors, you know, and unfortunately our crystal ball still hasn't been delivered by Amazon.

Margaret (10:35):

No, we'll let you know when it comes in,

Craig (10:37):

Simply look at our past experiences with coachings and what typically happens with previous clients and how we've seen things.

Margaret (10:46):

Well, you know, I do have to say something else about feeling hopeless. If you feel hopeless for a long time, please reach out to some local therapists because being hopeless can sometimes make you hurt yourself or think about hurting yourself and we don't want that to happen with anyone. Of course. So if you can't beat the hopelessness, please reach out. Okay. Every community has some sort of a clinic.

Craig (11:10):

Absolutely.