Make Your Ex Regret Their Decision

Craig Kenneth:                  00:24                   Hi there. I'm coach Craig Kenneth, and in this video I'm going to be talking to about how to make your ex regret their decision to break up with you.

Well, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you didn't like the way somebody treated you or you didn't like the way things played out and maybe you felt slighted in some way and you wanted that person to regret their decision? For example, a lot of times we want our x to regret breaking up with us and we want them to feel like they made a huge mistake and it certainly helps our ego and makes us feel much better if they ever do come back to us, right? Even if we decide we don't want them back and it makes us feel awful good. If we know they sit there and they regret what they've done now sometimes we put ourselves in unhealthy situations as well.

Craig Kenneth:                  01:20                   Maybe we stay with somebody that doesn't treat us well and we tolerate their bad behavior. We let them walk all over us and disrespect us, and then of course if there's no respect there, there's just simply not going to be a relationship because you have to have respect and any kind of relationship if there is none, there's really no relationship there. So I've got a really difficult email today from somebody that I've done two skypes with and an email coaching and I can't remember if I did a video on one of his previous sessions, but if it sounds familiar, that's why. Okay. So he wanted to do another update with me and he said, Hey Craig, I hope you're able to re or recollect challenges that I'm facing in my personal life. And I did remember him very well. He had some very unique things about his situation that it was a very easy for me to recall how everything went.

Craig Kenneth:                  02:22                   In my previous interaction. I told you that I am single, 40 years old, not religious, Orthodox and basically a clean guy. His language is not English as first language is not English, as you could hear him saying he's a clean guy. I don't think most Americans would say that. Um, so I'm not going to say where he's from because I want to keep it a little ambiguous for me. Asked me to, in spite of having a loving and respectful girlfriend, this is important. I was extremely attracted towards a woman in my native place who was around my single, divorced and working professionally at a high level. Okay. So he had a really nice girlfriend. He still does. And yet he found himself extremely attracted to another woman and I made it very clear to him that this was not right for him to do because this girlfriend of his treated him very well and he was very disrespectful to the relationship they had by being very interested in another woman.

Craig Kenneth:                  03:30                   Okay. Now he kind of tries to justify his behavior and you're going to see how he said I had an instant, massive crush on her and did everything and anything just to fly to my native home and meet her. Okay. So look at how high his interest level is. My new, he's got another girlfriend, he's got a girlfriend. This is not a girlfriend. He's doing everything and anything to try and get her attention. It doesn't sound healthy already does it? And it's not. And you're going to see why I met her five times between May and July and in all the meetings I acted very needy, week anxious. And on the other hand she was rude, totally disrespectful, self absorbed and indifferent. So those are some really powerful words if you really let them sink in on that whole dynamic there right now. He says, I was honest with her and told her about my girlfriend.

Craig Kenneth:                  04:41                   Now this guy is really distorting reality and I think it has a lot to do with his relationship to his mother because he's coming from a place where, hey, I was honest and told her that I have a girlfriend yet he can't understand why she is not interested in reciprocating. Okay. Yet he's trying to justify like I can do these things even though I have a girlfriend because I told this new girl I have a girlfriend. He said, I just felt like hugging her tightly and not leaving her unable to handle my emotions. I contacted you were you were able to pinpoint the reason. She is an exact xerox copy of my mother, height, face, hair, way of dressing up, same way of thinking. Everything is just the same. Now, as you can imagine, he didn't have a good relationship with his mother. He had a massive internal struggle and that is why he is so incredibly drawn to this woman.

Craig Kenneth:                  05:57                   What do I tell you guys? All the time we are attracted to the familiar. He has this overwhelming, intense attraction to her that he completely disregards the fact that he has a girlfriend. He thinks that it's okay because he's saying to the new girl, hey, I have a girlfriend, but he doesn't understand that he's doing all of these super aggressive behaviors and, and he wonders why she's disrespectful. She's, you know, road and have self absorbed and different, which is exactly how he describes his mother. Okay. He's drawn to this woman because she's just like his mom and he's completely ignoring reality here. Right?

Craig Kenneth:                  06:44                   He said, never in my life was I so attracted to someone as I am to her. I don't think I can ever forget her. Think about that. Thinking about that, right? I don't think I could ever forget her. Why? Because she's just like your mom and she probably looks just like your mom did when your mom was younger, and so that's why the attraction is so intense because what is we do as children? We fall in love with our mother. That's what we're supposed to do, right? If we fall in love with our mother, that's how we learn empathy. That's how we learned to attach and bond to other people. It's absolutely what we're supposed to do now because he was traumatized and there is a massive attachment trauma. That is why he's having such a struggle with this woman because he feels like he has to be with her. Like it's abandoning his mother. Right? Like he's a child abandoning his mother. Okay. So he says, the last few months I have been in more control. I have been a no contact with her for the last five months. Absolute radio silence. And she never contacted me now for a week I will be going to my native place to visit my parents. My mom is now old, was hospitalized for several days and is recovering slowly. I will also visit my aunts place who is just living around one kilometer from that woman's house.

Craig Kenneth:                  08:30                   You know, this isn't going to go good. Right? Cause now he's looking for excuses to go see her. Needless to say, I will be very anxious to meet my crush. Also. I've worked on myself physically and mentally, but somehow I feel that I should meet my crush and tell her how rude and disrespectful she was to me. Wow. Right now, remember it has been five months since he has seen her. They haven't talked. There's been no contact and he wants to go and tell her that she was rude and disrespectful. Does that sound off to you? It does to me because. Well, let me get to that in a minute. Let me just finish his email. All my previous meetings with her, I behaved like a doormat and allowed her to walk all over me. Now remember, they only hung out five times. Okay? I want you to keep that in mind.

Craig Kenneth:                  09:38                   This isn't like a longterm relationship. They only hung out a handful of times and he had a girlfriend. I feel like redeeming myself so that I can just walk away with my head held high. My brain tells me that I should never contact her again and no need for any closure, but my heart tells me life is short. I don't live in that country anymore. I don't know how much time I have on this planet better to meet her and say what I feel. Then to walk away and always regret feeling that she walked all over me and I did nothing to respond to her or react. What do you say, coach? What's your advice on meeting her? She may not even reply to my message or declined to meet me. What's your advice on this? Okay. Well, first of all, it's obviously not healthy that you're just fantasizing about standing up for yourself for about five months here and I think this has a lot more to do with your mother and your relationship with your mother than it does with her.

Craig Kenneth:                  10:50 Remember, this woman only hung out with you five times and this wasn't some longterm relationship and it's interesting that you find her to be so incredibly disrespectful and rude. Yet I find it incredibly disrespectful and rude that you were trying to get with this girl when you had a girlfriend, so I don't understand how you can see how wrong her behavior is, but not your own. You need to think about that and I'm wondering if your girlfriend should be telling you all for being so rude and disrespectful to her because you should. Saying she's a great girl and look at how she gets treated. You're definitely fantasizing about this woman and you would have most likely left your girlfriend to be with this woman. Had you had the opportunity to do so in this girl and not treated you so badly. But you know, if you're sitting there trying to tell her off, first of all it's going to look pretty crazy because you haven't talked to her in five

Craig Kenneth:                  11:54 months and you're just gonna contact her just to tell her off. I mean how bizarre would that be if someone contacted you at a nowhere for. It's been almost five, six months and they just tell you off, you're going to be like, we only hung out five times and probably explaining how you're kind of distorting reality here. And of course why? Because this has a lot to do with mom is so disproportionate to what actually happened because this has to do with the conflict with his mother and he's angry and hurt about that. So he takes it out on her. A woman that he really barely knows. I mean if someone hung out with you five times and they were rude and disrespectful, you'd kind of forget about it and say, well the hell with that person. I don't want them in my life. And you'd move on.

Craig Kenneth:                  12:52                   But you are obsessed with it. And why? Because it's like walking away from your caregiver. It's like walking away from your mother and that means death. If you're a child and you walk away from your mother, you would die, so if you are coming from the place of wanting to make her regret, her decision and why she treated you the way she did, if anything, I would just send her a message while you're in town and try and get together with her and show her how awesome you are doing. That's how you're gonna. Make this woman regret how she treated you sitting there and berating her or yelling at her. She'll shut down immediately. She'll leave the situation and then you'll be standing there angry and frustrated that you didn't really get anything out of it, that you didn't get what you wanted and it's not really gonna.

Craig Kenneth:                  13:43                   Make you feel any better. Now, if you could go out with her, have a great time show or how awesome you are, how great your life is doing, and how much you've changed that might make her look at you and think, wow, what happened with him that I didn't want to work it out within that I didn't want to give him a shot. Not that you really deserved one because he had a girlfriend anyway, but for those of you that would be in this situation that you want to show somebody, you need to show them how awesome you are and how amazing your life is and how unique you are and how many great qualities you have, and that's the angle that I'm going to come from not trying to berate somebody or trying to get revenge over something so small and detrimental from five months ago.

Craig Kenneth:                  14:30                   Okay. She was rude and disrespectful, so why would you want to see her anyway? Well, if you did in a situation where you wanted somebody to regret what they did and how they felt, I would take the high ground and so look, look how great I am. Look at what you're missing out on, so that's what I would do in this situation and if you want to reach out to her, I mean quite honestly, uh, she'll probably be rude to you and ignore you or blow you off and just make you more frustrated. But if somebody else out there is watching this situation, then they're wanting to make somebody regret it and I would take the approach of let them see how great you are and then you don't give them another shot

Craig Kenneth:                  15:17                   and you say, oh no, no, I just wanted to hang out and see you, but you know, I appreciate you reaching out to me. And then you feel good about the way you handled yourself. So if you want to get my health personally, just go to my website as Craig. That net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you. I do email coaching, I do skype coaching. If you have to get with me right away, I do offer emergency skype coaching and of course Margaret is now doing skype coaching too. And she's amazing. So that's it for this video. I'm coach Craig Kenneth and I will talk with you soon.