Craig (00:00):
In this video, we're going to be talking about, they came back to ghost me.
Margaret (00:48):
What are you thinking? Once it was bad enough?
Craig (00:51):
Why would you do that? People, this happens quite a bit. Margaret does you know, sometimes your ex will come back and they give you a little breadcrumb, something. Sometimes they come back for a little bit and it's hard to figure out their agenda. There could be a lot of different reasons why people do this. You know, it's hard to say because in these situations it's such a case by case basis. Yeah. Right. Because it is a very unusual thing to do to come back into somebody's life. After you've just left them and left them hurt. I would say you'd have to be pretty selfish to know that you've hurt somebody and then come back into their life again to disrupt it and then just vanish again
Margaret (01:36):
And do it a second time, because you were checking things out. Yeah. It would be a cruel thing to do. Yeah.
Craig (01:43):
Because if anybody reasonable is going to know that if you ended a relationship and you're the dumper, you've hurt this person and that, you know, you should be considerate of that and that you don't want to hurt them and make things worse for them. But then why come back and do it again?
Margaret (02:03):
To see if you can see if you can work it out the second time, I guess.
Craig (02:08):
Yeah. But sometimes I think it's based on that person's level of functioning in life that they're not quite there and they're not really thinking things through. Right, right. Because you'd have to not be thinking things through to realize, yeah, I'm going to go back and hurt this person again and then vanish. Right. It's probably not their initial thought. So I got an interesting email that I did an email coaching with that I thought you guys would enjoy. This is from a woman in her mid thirties that was dating a woman in her late twenties. Right. So they were together for a year and a half and, they got engaged after dating for three months. So that's already a major red flags.
Margaret (02:55):
Just both nervous. Yes. It's too fast.
Craig (02:57):
Three months. You're going commit to a lifetime together with somebody that you've only known for 90 days. I mean, right.
Margaret (03:06):
They must have been in that euphoric state. Yeah.
Craig (03:10):
So she goes on to say, we are now broken up and not living together. One of our major problems was that I mistreated her after we got engaged. So that's another red flag to think about off the bat. I mean, cause think about it. They got engaged at three months. So you were already mistreating her at three months?
Margaret (03:34):
So let's say once you felt secure in the relationship, you felt you could mistreat her.
Craig (03:39):
That's very interesting to think about. Right.
Margaret (03:41):
Right. They're engaged so she's not going to leave me now. Yeah.
Craig (03:44):
How do you treat somebody if you think they won't leave? Right. It's a good point. Yeah. How do you treat somebody if you think they won't leave you? The second problem was that she stopped giving me her attention and love. I broke up with her five months ago due to her not giving me attention or love.
Margaret (04:07):
Okay. He's the same person who mistreated her?
Craig (04:09):
No, she mistreated them. And then she said they didn't give her attention in love maybe. Cause you had been mistreating them. Yeah. It could be know something. You got to think about. My question is my ex reached out to me last Tuesday, just two days before my birthday, when she called, I picked up the phone super happy to hear from her. So it sounds like they hadn't been talking for months. I'm guessing based on that timeline about five months. Right? Cause he said they broke up with her five months ago. And then she came back around the birthday. So it seems to me about five months. When she called, I picked up the phone super happy to hear from her. She asked how I was and if I missed her, she also asked if I was seeing someone and wanted to talk about getting back together. That's awful quick.
Margaret (05:05):
Well, these folks don't mess around with time. They do not. I'm reaching out for the first time in months and I want a commitment or not.
Craig (05:12):
Yeah. I mean, it's just, wow. It, they're rushing into things incredibly quickly again. Right. Especially when it didn't work the first time. And, and already the demands, like, are you single? Are you seeing anybody? Let's get back together.
Margaret (05:30):
Right. All in one sentence. Yeah.
Craig (05:32):
She said she was not seeing anyone and missed me now. I don't see exes typically come on this strong. Do you? More often that it's like an indirect, direct approach. This was pretty direct. And so that's telling of this relationship though, right? We talk all day and night, not healthy either. And she seems to miss me and tell me, loves me on Wednesday. She asked me what I was doing for my birthday. Remember she reached out two days before the birthday, what I was doing for my birthday and wanted me to go away for that weekend. How many months? Five. Yeah, they hadn't seen each other. It sounded like in about five months. I miss you. You're single. Let's go away for the weekend. They talked all day at night. A lot. You could see this going on quick. I booked the getaway and on my birthday she said she had a headache and was not able to see me. So she comes on awful quick. And now all of a sudden she's got a headache and she can't see you for this weekend getaway?
Margaret (06:39):
Or wait a minute, let me be sure. I got it right in my head. The writer is the person who did the misusing or the other person?
Craig (06:46):
The writer said she mistreated her after they had gotten engaged. All right. Okay.
Margaret (06:53):
But she's not the one who's rushing into the contact. No,
Craig (06:56):
This is the ex that came back after five months. It seems to her, but she had been the one that ended the relationship five months ago. Okay. But so then they're supposed to go away for this weekend getaway and this girl who comes back out of nowhere, says I have a headache. You have a headache? You've been telling me you want to get back together. All right. So let's see what happens when I got home, I walked in to a big dozen roses and she popped out with wine saying surprise. And she took me to dinner and started saying her head was hurting even more.
Margaret (07:37):
So she canceled the getaway.
Craig (07:39):
Like she came home from the getaway. Right. Cause she said, when I got home, she came home from the getaway and she said, she pops in she's at her house saying surprised. And that now her head's hurting again. But you got your roses. Yeah. And wine. Right. Okay. I walked her to her car and everything was fine. We texted all the way until she got home. She asked if she can spend the night, the next day. And I said, yes, the next day I did not hear from her. I called her at 1:00 PM. And she said she was waking up and not feeling well and going to the doctors. Okay. So you say like, what's going on here? You sick. Something's wrong. She then stopped texting me. And I continued to text her. She said the doctor told her she had the flu and for her to cancel the trip this weekend.
Craig (08:43):
So this was before the weekend? Yup. Okay. I agreed and texted her to get home and get some rest. I texted her if I can order her some soup. And she said she didn't like any soup, maybe later. If you don't like any soup, why would you want it later? Right? Our next text was at 3:00 PM on Friday when I got home Friday night, I haven't heard from her. So I called her and no answer. I texted her and no reply. I waited until the next day. And still haven't heard from her. I called her and it rang once and got to her voicemail. I discovered she blocked me because even my text messages were not going through. Wow. A lot of bizarre behavior here. Right. I wrote her an angry email saying, why did she come back into my life saying she loves me and wants to work it out. And then ghost me. I told her don't ever call me again. I was done. So she had lost emotional self control there .sounds like she's got a lot of anxiety yourself. And she sent me an email the next day saying okay, I'm thinking the same thing. Aren't you Margaret?
Margaret (10:18):
I'm real confused.
Craig (10:21):
My family keeps telling me, it sounds like I was a rebound. And maybe she got back with her partner. Craig, do you think she will ever come back or do you think maybe I was a rebound and lost her for good? Well, this is a very bizarre situation. This woman comes back out of nowhere, starts messaging her a couple of days. Comes on strong shows up at her house with roses and flowers. Then all of a sudden mysteriously she's sick the next day at the doctor, but she can't reply to messages and disappears and can't go away for the weekend.
Margaret (10:59):
And her family must be saying even more than the other woman's family. Okay.
Craig (11:04):
Very bizarre. And then she finds out she's blocked. So you know, it makes me think that she might be onto something like this other girl, the girl that came back may have been dating somebody else. It was, they got into a fight. They were having some kind of issues and she, all of a sudden comes back strong onto her again.
Margaret (11:26):
When she panics about being alone, yep. Okay.
Craig (11:30):
Then comes back for a couple days, but because maybe that fight blew over with the other person now, she's like, well, I'm going to block her and disappears on her.
Margaret (11:43):
I'm getting my soup elsewhere. Yeah.
Craig (11:47):
That's the thing that makes the most sense.
Margaret (11:50):
It's really wild. I mean sort of like nobody has appropriate boundaries here. Okay. I mean, it's all or nothing. Either we're engaged or we're broken up either we're going away from the weekend or we're broken up. Yup. It's extremes. There's no middle.
Craig (12:09):
Yeah. And I will say that the girl that came back was very bizarre. We don't see behavior like this typically. And that's why I thought this is an interesting one to talk about because you know, the way she comes back so strong and then disappears so quickly.
Margaret (12:30):
Okay. I like your theory though, that that works, that she was really seeing somebody else and cannot handle being alone for 10 minutes.
Craig (12:39):
Yeah. That's what makes the most sense to me. The only other thing that I could think of that makes sense is that she hadn't been blocked. Maybe her phone was off or maybe she was in a place where she had no service and the other girl the one that was reaching out thought she was blocked. And so when she got that message, the next day, she was confused, like okay, like, why are you saying that I did this or what? I don't understand what, why you sent me this email. Go ahead. Because her behavior saying I'm okay. Is very bizarre too.
Margaret (13:18):
Right? Yup. Totally bizarre. And there's nothing healthy that you hear about this relationship? Nope. There's only three months till we're engaged then there's mistreatment. And how long were they together?
Craig (13:34):
I want to say they were together for, was it five months? Did they say, I think that's what you said. I can't remember. I know they got engaged. They were engaged. They were together for a year and a half.
Margaret (13:48):
That's a long time. So life must have become somewhat normal in between you would think. But we don't hear the precipitant for the actual breakup, do we?
Craig (13:57):
Oh, she said that she broke up with her because that girl wasn't being loving and affectionate towards her. Okay. So but I find a lot of strange behavior here. She comes back around the birthday. She comes on strong and then all of a sudden she's sick and she can't reply back to text messages. Yeah. Very bizarre. Yeah. I'll tell ya. This is maybe a little bit of a reach here, but the other thing that I wonder is, is this woman dissociating?
Margaret (14:29):
Well, I wondered that too that she changes her mind in a way that isn't even halfway logical. I was going to say one of them, or both of them sound borderline, and that there's all this intensity and I love you, but either I have to be with you and engaged, or I can't be with you at all. In other words, this is all or quality to it.
Craig (14:53):
There's enough unusual behavior to the situation that I'm thinking. There might be some serious issues going on here. I would agree with one or both of them. Did you get that vibe too?
Margaret (15:04):
Yeah, absolutely. So I don't think they should consider being together until everybody's had some help. What do you think?
Craig (15:13):
I think so. The vibe that I get from both of them is that there's some trauma, absolutely. From both from both and, you know, the way they rushed into this relationship, it just gives a very volatile, toxic sense. I mean, she admitted that she had mistreated her
Margaret (15:36):
And the one who was mistreated was the one that was complaining that she wasn't loved. Yes, exactly. So that says to me that somewhere in her experience, you can be loved by people whom mistreat you, which would certainly speak to trauma. Yep. And I would guess they have similar histories.
Craig (15:57):
But for somebody to come back into your life and then goes to you again, I don't see it certainly play out like this usually.
Margaret (16:06):
No, this is very unusual for us.
Craig (16:09):
If you've had something like that, shar it in the comments, it'd be interesting for us to see that. I think exes come back a lot of times and they're kind of wishy-washy and they breadcrumb you. But do you see exes, if you've had this happen to you, let us know where somebody comes back, this strong immediately in those first conversations, are you single? I want to work it out. The intensity.
Margaret (16:34):
24 hours. Yeah. The intensity is incredible. I, if we call it ambivalence, it would be absolutely ambivalence to the max. I feel desperate for you one minute and I'm blocking you the next. Yep.
Craig (16:49):
But you know, ghosting is a very painful thing to do to somebody. And, you know, like I said, at the onset of the video, it's kind of reflective of somebody's mental state that they would do that because it's very immature and selfish.
Margaret (17:06):
I mean, I don't know that anybody here is logical coherent, do you?
Craig (17:10):
It doesn't seem like it to me. I feel like there's massive trauma for both of these people.
Margaret (17:16):
So, and just because this is so charged and so intense, you worry about violence. I would. Yeah.
Craig (17:25):
Yeah. Well, there's no evidence to it, but I certainly would be suspect because she did admit mistreating, but didn't go into any other detail.
Margaret (17:35):
We don't know if that's verbal or shoving or yeah. Yeah. Well, we had a fist fight or what, but it sounds extremely volatile. Like Craig said intense, intense, intense, but not in a healthy way. Yeah.
Craig (17:46):
Yeah. So if you have similar, that happened to you, it'd be interesting. Share it in the comments or talk about if you were ghosted in your situation. So we could take a look at that because,
Margaret (17:58):
Or any insight about this that you'd like to share with us.
Craig (18:01):
Yeah. If you have a different thought about what happened in this situation, but I found this one particularly interesting because of the way that it all came back together so quickly and kind of vanished and almost as quickly as it came.
Margaret (18:18):
Yeah. And the woman has a final question for you, which was
Craig (18:22):
Do you think she will come back or she was a rebound again,
Margaret (18:28):
And those are not the only two options. Yeah.
Craig (18:34):
Do I think this woman will come back? Well, that's hard to say? You think she'll come back?
Margaret (18:40):
I do, Yeah. Cause craziness doesn't seem to put either of them off
Craig (18:46):
For me, the most likely scenario is that she was with somebody else and that she came back when they had an argument or it looked like it was falling apart. So I would expect to hear from her again, if that happened again. Absolutely. That's what I would think.
Margaret (19:05):
It happened again and it will, because you know, it's going to be just as crazy this time. Right. The other person, if there is one
Craig (19:13):
Good point. Yeah. That's a good point. But you know, whether or not you can have a healthy relationship with her is another thing. And I suggest you really work through your issues and get to a good place emotionally, because I think that this is just going to be another toxic charged relationship.
Margaret (19:31):
But you know, you can't do anything about what she does work on yourself. Be good to yourself. Understand your issues.
Craig (19:40):
Okay. So hopefully you found this one, helpful, share your stories with ghosting below. We'd like to see it and we could do future videos on it. If you like, let us know.