Craig (00:00):
Today we're going to be talking about, is she flirting or is she being friendly? You can't really be sure. So that's it for this video. I'm coach Craig Kenneth. Just kidding. It's so hard to figure this one out. Isn't it? It is. And so I had coach Victoria do some research on this one and we're going to look at it because it's not always a definitive thing. Sometimes people are just being friendly. Sometimes a woman is just being friendly to you and it's so hard to know, is it because she likes me, is she interested or is it just because she's being polite?
Victoria (01:21):
And many of you are probably watching this video and you have somebody in mind that you're not sure if she's being flirty with you or if she has romantic interest or you might also be watching this video to avoid possible rejection.
Craig (01:36):
Yeah. Either way. We totally understand. But a lot of times when you're wondering if one particular person is interested, you start to research stuff like this. So you're probably going to be like going down the list of the person you have in mind here. Right.
Victoria (01:52):
And especially if you didn't get much love from your childhood, growing up, if you get a little attention from women, you might think to yourself that they might be crushing on you just because you're not accustomed to receiving that kind of affection or love or attention from somebody else.
Craig (02:10):
Yeah. I agree with that. I think that women in general have a lot more opportunity for socialization growing up. And so they get a lot more guidance, especially from mom, because so many of us guys don't have a lot of time with our dads, our dads aren't around. And so we don't learn as much as I think women get to learn from their mom to know these things,
Victoria (02:36):
And this is a very important topic to help you be able to gauge where your partners or somebody you're dating, where their interest is at to know how to make the next move in the most informed way possible. And research shows that men tend to overestimate a woman's romantic interests.
Craig (02:55):
Yeah. I think that's a good point. And I was thinking about that and suspect it's because they're projecting their own interest level onto a woman's. I feel like a lot of times a guy has a strong interest in a woman simply because he's physically attracted to her. Right. And whereas I think a woman has to invest more in a relationship, especially, you know, if you think about like, she has to carry a baby for 10 months, right. There's a lot more of investment. Her health is at risk, especially thousands of years ago. You know, obviously modern medicine is a lot better. But you're putting your life at risk. So a guy who doesn't have to risk much to like somebody new,
Victoria (03:39):
Right. And even on a social level, men have a lot more pressure to make the first move, not saying it's right or wrong. In fact, women, 2020, shoot your shot. Those are my thoughts on that.
Craig (03:51):
It can't get any worse than 2020, so you might as well go for it. But when we're not talking about in regards to an ex, okay, we're talking about particularly if you're interested in somebody new and looking at dating new people.
Victoria (04:06):
Right. But my point is that women tend to be more subtle. So that's why this topic is really important to be able to better understand and read the body language, be able to be a little bit more intuitive about the vibes that you're getting from other people.
Craig (04:18):
Yeah. You know, one of the ways that you can do that and test the waters is to flirt, you know? You pas maybe like an innuendo joke or a pun or something that kind of puts it out there in a way that if they don't get it or they're not receptive, you're not going to feel crushed or hopefully not
Victoria (04:44):
Right. And flirting really is where relationships start. Or if you're trying to rekindle things with your ex keeping things light and airy and being able to flirt with them, that's how you rebuild that connection. Those are the first little sparks that happen in order to build that.
Craig (05:00):
And I just want to add that. I would say that you want to do that if you're meeting up with them in person, right. I wouldn't recommend you trying to flirt with them through text messages. You always want to rebuild a connection with an ex in person more so, because it can get misconstrued when feelings are hurt in a breakup, right. People can get upset really easily.
Victoria (05:23):
So to start off, I just want to say that everybody flirts differently, men, women, regardless of gender people flirt in different ways, based on their personality, based on their culture, what they think is acceptable or not even their attachment style, which is an important one to think about if they're avoidant, anxious and we have tons of videos on that. Also about their intent, are they flirting just for fun? Are they flirting to have sex with you or are they flirting to start a meaningful relationship with you? All of these different factors are going to play into if and how a person flirts with you.
Craig (06:01):
Yeah. And you want to consider the setting as well, because if you work with somebody, they might be less interested in just hooking up with you, especially if it's like a professional setting, right? Like they might be thinking, I don't want to risk dating or hooking up with this person. If I don't think it'll be something meaningful. Obviously every situation is different. It's just something to consider.
Victoria (06:24):
Right. And Dr. Jeffrey Hall, he has studied flirting as fun of a job that sounds, and he's come up with five different flirting styles that we'll talk about in a different video. But just to give you an overview, those five different styles that he found were physical, traditional, polite, sincere, and playful. So just think about those terms when watching the video. Yep. So the first tip that I can give you or sign that a woman might do in order to express interest in you is using her eyes. There's that phrase that says the eyes never lie. And I think there's a lot of truth to that. And even on a research level, research shows that after you make a joke, or if you're telling a story, the person that you look to in a group of people, that's the person that you feel most connected to. And that's because you're trying to seek their validation after you express yourself to see if, if they've accepted you or appreciated your comment or joke.
Craig (07:21):
Yeah. And I can tell you, you know, doing up comedy for many, many years, you will see in the audience, when you tell a joke, a lot of times the people in the audience will look at the person next to them. If they're on a date, they're looking at each other to connect over that joke.
Victoria (07:38):
Another thing that a woman might do or people in general do is called eyebrow flashing. And this is a one fifth of a second movement. That's very non-verbal and you can almost miss it, but they will lift their eyebrows slightly when they're showing an interest. Interesting. Another way that a woman might subtly show interest is in how she smiling, laughing, or giggling with you. And you also want to try to get a baseline of the person that you're trying to gauge their interest. How do they interact with others? Do they laugh harder at your jokes? Notice those things. And those could be subtle signs that she has an affinity for you.
Craig (08:22):
And it's those little things that can tell the difference between if she's just being polite, because maybe you work together or you have mutual friends and or if she's wanting to see if there's a romantic connection there.
Victoria (08:38):
Right. Next is language, vocabulary and how she talks to you. So does she say the words "us" or "we "when referring to you both,
Craig (08:50):
It's a good point. And it's a very subtle thing that you'd have to be aware of.
Victoria (08:55):
Another thing to think about is how does she define your hangouts? Does she call them dates? If she's calling them dates, then that's a pretty good sign. I would say.
Craig (09:03):
Yeah. If she's asking questions about your personal life, that is a really good sign. I have found that one of the things that I think women ask a lot is what's your situation. And a woman kind of expects you to understand what she means by that. Right. It's, it's subtle, but it's, I'm asking you because I want to know, but you know, I don't want to put myself out there too much. I mean, it's scary to do that. So anything about your personal life, you know, maybe asking you questions about where you going, what are you doing? Your dating history? Do you have a girlfriend? How serious is it? Those things are them trying to get to know a little bit more.
Victoria (09:50):
Right. And then notice the energy in the conversation. If you have to go see a chiropractor because you're carrying the conversation, chances are that she's not as interested in you as you think. So if she's inquiring about you and, and keeping the conversation going, that's always a good sign that she wants to talk to you more and wants to learn more about you.
Craig (10:13):
Yeah. They'll try and make it easy. Someone will try and make it easy. A woman's going to make it try and make it easy if they're like, you know, especially if their interest level is high.
Victoria (10:22):
Right. Another thing that you want to look at is also physical touch. Is she, you know, playfully touching your shoulder, your knee, and how close is she getting to you? So proximity is another factor that you want to think about if you're out to lunch and with a group of friends and there's a spot right next to you, does she maneuver in a way to get that spot, to be the closest to you? So notice those things and pay attention to how she moves her physical body and relation to you. Yeah.
Craig (10:52):
Yeah. The more somebody wants to be around you, the more it shows that they enjoy your company, they're at least interested to see if there's anything more there. Right. You know what I mean? It doesn't mean that they necessarily have a really high interest, but they're probably at least curious enough to see like, well, this guy asked me out, you know? And you know, I really think that as a guy, a woman kind of wants you to know that if she contacts you, she wants you to ask her out. I think a lot of women get frustrated by men that they're like, we're constantly talking, but he never asked me to go on a date.
Victoria (11:31):
Yeah. I would definitely say, be bold. And one thing that you can do, if you're hesitant about asking for a number and one thing that might make the girl more comfortable is to give her your number by just saying, "Hey, I've been noticing that we have a vibe going here. Do you mind if I give you my number, maybe we can meet up some time?" Then that relieves her of the pressure of having to call you right that moment to verify she's not giving you a fake or something and that just gives her the opportunity to reach out to you, if she is in fact, flirting with you. Another thing that you can do to be aware of, if a girl is comfortable or not, that also has to do with physical touch is their posture. Do they have open posture? Are they facing you? Another thing to look for is their feet are their feet towards you. If they're away from you, they might be planning their escape route.
Craig (12:25):
That's so true. Yeah. I've seen, I remember seeing videos about stuff like that back in the day, like the woman's foot or the other way, like get me out of here. And the guy's like trapping her.
Victoria (12:36):
Right. And this brings me to my caveat, which is don't mistake, nervousness for flirting. So I've heard other coaches and other people online saying that, you know, a woman playing with her hair is a sign of flirting. Now it totally may be, but at the same time, it also can be a sign of nervousness as it's a self-soothing behavior. So don't mistake somebody playing with their hair as an automatic sign.
Craig (13:02):
It could be an indicator, but keep it, you know, in context don't necessarily blow it out of proportion. Now, if she's flipping, you know, playing with her hair and she's touching you, then things are looking in the right direction. Right. Multiple signs. Exactly. You don't want to, obviously just like a one side, you want to look at multiple signs. You know, a big one is that a lot of times guys are out and they're in some kind of setting with like a service industry and if the woman is being nice to them, they are like, Oh, she really likes me right now. Sometimes she can, she can. But sometimes he's just, this is my job. I have to make tips or I have to be nice because it's my job. So keep it in mind, don't blow things out of proportion.
Craig (13:54):
And even sometimes in that setting, they might give you their number or, you know, show some interest. But then afterwards, if you see that they're ignoring your call or not responding to you, don't keep showing back up at their work and making things awkward or uncomfortable because you thought you, you know, she was sending you one mixed message or a mix. I mean, she may be sending you a mixed message, but you know, especially in the setting, she might be used to that and just thinking, well, I have to pay my rent and to flirting gets me, you know, some extra tips she's going to do it. Right?
Victoria (14:29):
So don't mistake customer service for flirting,
Craig (14:33):
Be careful. Right? All of these tips are just to give you a better idea if someone is being polite, if they're being friendly or if they're exploring the option of seeing, if there could be something more there,
Victoria (14:48):
Right? And if you want to learn more, you can look up relationship initiation research, and look at the work of Dr. Jeffrey Hall. We're also gonna put out some more videos around this topic and around the different types of flirting. So definitely look out for those and watch those. If you're interested.
Craig (15:04):
If you have any thoughts or additional ones that you think we missed share them in the comment section. I'd love to see. And especially from you, ladies, maybe you say your perspective on these are certain things that I've done or that you missed, or that I've tried to drop hints in certain ways. I'd love to hear more.
Victoria (15:21):
Right? Everyone's different. And everyone has their own way of flirting. So share.
Craig (15:26):
So give Victoria a thumbs up for her research on this one, of course, when you want to get my help personally, go to my website, askcraig.Net.