Every Break Up Is Different

Every Break Up Is Different

In this video/article I wanted to talk a little bit about the importance of understanding that every break up is different.

If you are going through a break up there’s a good chance you are feeling tremendous amounts of physical pain and separation anxiety. You are missing your partner and in all likelihood do anything to get them back. Everything inside you makes you want to reach out to them and demand that they sit down with you and talk about it. I can tell you, that I tried using logic and reason in those situations and it doesn’t work.

The problem is when you come online looking for help. There’s a lot of bad information on the Internet that is constantly contradicting itself.  There formula assumes every break up is the same and nothing could be further from the truth.

When I do coaching with you, I will look at a multitude of factors in figuring out what went wrong, give you insight into changes you can make to either get her back, or find someone better. I talk about some of the important factors I look at after this email.

So I got a great email today from Erick. He said: hey coach, I am going through a break up and I am heartbroken. I want to get my ex back more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I am really angry because when I come online looking for help, I find tons of bad information. I have been looking everywhere online for advice on how to get my ex back. However, I see these “break up experts”, who more often than not, just some guy standing in front of a camera at a park spewing bad advice.

That’s a good visual. Blah wait a week to call her. Blah write her a hand written letter. That’s a few of the things I’ve seen as bad advice.

How does that make him an expert? It pisses me off because they are doing more harm than anything and the only person that pays the price are the people that follow their suggestions. They have no kind of degree, no kind of training, nothing!

I love how passionate this guy is!

It’s just some guy who wants to capitalize on other people’s suffering by charging them 1000 dollars an hour. When I compare them to your background and education, you should be charging 5000 dollars an hour!

Man I’m gunna make this guy in charge of my fan club! There are some good coaches out there, but yes, there is a lot of bad information. The thing is, everyone always believes they’re the good guy. So they do believe that they are giving you good advice, but no one ever thinks they’re giving out bad advice. I have worked extremely hard to getting to this point, probably thousands of hours of researching, studying and reading at this point.

The thing that made me realize your content is the best was that after I watched your videos I always gained insight. Other videos, I would forget the content 5 minutes later. But Craig, your information always helped me grow as a person, not just follow rules like a robot. I have felt more personal growth in a short time thanks to you, than I have in years. Thank you, your work is helping me deal with my break up and comforting me. Whenever I get anxious, I hear your voice, and it calms me down and makes me feel stronger.

Well I’m happy to help. It’s my purpose. For me personally, I’ve gone through some very difficult breakups and I did not handle them well at all. I was absolutely heartbroken and miserable after a few break ups. I did everything wrong begging, the grand gesture, trying to talk it out using logic and reason.

My goal is to help teach men how to have healthy and meaningful relationships.

When I am looking at your break up I look at a ton of factors that is going to give you the best chance of getting her back.

I look at how long you guys were together, how serious was the relationship, were you ever married/ engaged or living together. Do you have kids together?

Are they dating someone new? What was the reason for the break up? Was there cheating? Are there kids involved?

Do you or your partner have any issues with trauma or mental health issues such as anxiety or depression? Your age, education? Attachment styles? Family history?

The more pieces of the puzzle I have, the better I can put everything together and help you. I understand every break up is different, tell me your story so I can help!

She’s Acting Weird Since Our Date

One thing that people rarely talk about is how girls can act very differently from leading up to the date and then after the date.

What I mean is that before the date she acts one way. After the date she acts another.

Remember, a woman’s interest level will rise and fall like the sea and their emotions will change like the clouds in the sky.

Its very important to understand this because when it happens it causes us anxiety. And then we start to act in ways that are going to turn women off.

I got an email from Frank that says: Hey Craig I really need your help with a situation. I don’t understand women at all. Few Do. I was talking to a girl I had met online. She was acting really interested in the beginning. We talked for about a week and she was being really sweet. She called me Luv and Hun all the time in the text messages and I liked that. She would text me first. Sometimes in the morning or then later in the day to see how I was doing.

Sounds like her interest level was pretty high at that point. It’s always great to have a woman with so much interest

I met her at the restaurant for our date it and it was going great. We had lunch. I had to break the evening date rule because we both have kids and it would have been a while before we could have seen each other.

I’ve had to make this adjustment before and it cost me. It can be very tempting, but you’re playing with fire. I always strongly recommend evening dates as they are much more likely to lead to romance.

We each had 3 glasses of wine. Before we left the restaurant we went to the restroom which is secluded area. It got really passionate. She climbed on my lap and made out with me. We went for a walk around the lake, holding hands and kissing at various times. We made out in the car and it got really passionate. She seemed totally interested in me. She talked sexual with me about things she liked and it was great.

After the date everything changed. She stopped initiating contact. I would see her online on the dating site where we met. It made me feel insecure and anxious. I could sense it was not the same. She stopped calling me nicknames. Which made me even more anxious. I could sense it was not the same, it made me even more insecure and anxious.

Okay this happens a lot. And you need to be aware of it and expect it. Is her interest lower at this point? Yes, it seems like it. Or it could be a test. She might want to see how you handle yourself in the situation. A woman’s interest level will rise and fall.

If she is talking to other guys, that’s fine. First of all, there’s a huge chance they will blow it and then she will come back to you. But not if you over pursue, it will make things worse.

What do I do? Did I do something wrong. I invited her out for a second date but instead of replying with an answer she said “hi Hon”. I texted her back “hi there” and she never texted back.

You had a great connection on the date. For some reason after the date that changed. My guess would be that maybe things went a little too far and you don’t care about her. She might think you were only interested in sex.

Now, if it was me, I would move on. If you do want to contact her again, I would wait at least a week. Personally, I would wait two weeks and if something told me to contact her, I would.

Now, if she does contact you, ask her out. If you feel like there’s an elephant in the room, address it. Casually mention that it seemed like something may have been going on after the first date. This is an opportunity to reconnect with her. If she says something you didn’t want to hear: she was talking with an ex again, she wasn’t sure about you, etc. Don’t get upset. Be playful and say, well I’m glad you came to your senses. 

If not, her loss. That’s the attitude you have to have. Be a great catch. If they aren’t willing to fight for you or make an effort, find someone that will. It takes 2 people to make it work, it can’t work if it’s one person chasing.

I Found Out They're Cheating

I just found out they cheated

So I got a video from someone seeking my help on what to do when they found out their partner cheated. One of the hardest, scariest, and bravest things someone can do is to fall in love.It’s an incredibly brave because every time we get into a relationship we risk heart break.

That is why I tell you guys time and time again to take your time. You really don’t know someone until it’s been about two years. You have to see how they handle holidays, different times of year, job stress.

Certain times of years will bring up anniversaries of traumatic past events. Like that big Mothers day fight. You have to see how they are able to communicate and how committed they are to your relationship.

If you are dating someone who experienced trauma at an early age, it will likely mean you are going to deal with a partner who has less emotional self-control. That is also the case if they have an anxious attachment style. The result is going to be more arguments and a greater feeling of disconnection.

Hey Craig, So I wanted to say that I am absolutely devastated. I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has cheated on me.

Let me tell you something if you have had someone cheat on you and you feel bad about it, you deserve better! If you think you have to settle for someone that disrespects you and has no loyalty to their word, you’re wrong. They have no integrity and they probably never will.

I got a FB message from a girl that told me my man was not only cheating on me with her, but also other women. The problem was that the message was in the folder that I didn’t see so it was about a month ago. It said he was hooking up with not only her but other girls as well. She said she had pictures of him and her together and that he would send her videos of him pleasuring himself. He would tell her all the time that he would be thinking of her when him and I made love. I called her and she tried to change the story and say her phone was hacked.

That’s a load of BS. You got all the truth you’re going to get from that girl in that first message. She was angry at him for whatever reason and she told the truth. Now she feels guilty. You can expect from here on out that everything he tells you is going to be a lie. Why? Because he’s a liar and a cheater. If he was lying to you when he wasn’t caught, what do you think he’s gunna do when he is? He’s gunna lie even more.

I confronted him and I demanded he tell the truth. HE said, what do you want to know. He said they hooked up a few times. She lived 45 minutes away. And that they would talk all the time, but not see each other. I’m so heartbroken because we were supposed to get married in 4 months.

I am very sorry he hurt you and that you’re going through this. Forget about those details. Guys if someone has cheated you: Ignore the details. If you think about them they’re going to eat you alive. Plus whatever they tell you, half of it is going to be made up.

Focus on the facts. He may have love you, but not enough to stay faithful. This wasn’t just one time thing. It was multiple girls and who knows how often.

Now if you want an open relationship with this man, go for it. But if you want someone you can feel close with and know will be honest and faithful, move on.

I am so sad and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. Can we fix this?

Is it possible to repair the relationship and make it stronger than it was before? Absolutely. It’s possible. But it’s going to be painful and take a lot of time and work. You’ll have to decide if it’s really worth it to you.

What would you do Craig?

For me personally, hell no. I don’t tolerate any type of cheating. I wouldn’t even tolerate one of my girlfriend’s kissing someone else (but that is just me).

What can I do to get over this if I want to move on?

Okay, I have been there. Believe me, nobody had a more difficult time with heartbreak than I did. That’s why I do what I do.

You have to talk about it. Experts all the way back to Freud said when something traumatic happens You have to talk about it. And that’s what I’m saying. Talk about it talk about it talk about it. That’s the only way to heal.

Sign up for some coaching sessions with me. I know what I’m doing. I’ve been a therapist since 2002.  I’m not only going to coach you and give you that support you need, I am also going to help you figure out what went wrong, and where to go from here.

I know how painful break ups are. I do. To be honest, there was a point where I was so sad about a break up, I went to my therapist twice a week for months. That’s why I became passionate about this topic.

There are some other great ways to heal. Exercise is incredibly helpful, enjoy your hobbies and interests (even if you don’t feel like it), spend time with friends and family, go outside and get sunshine. It will get better!

How can you tell if she likes you.

One of the biggest questions I get is how can you tell if a woman likes you. Well if you really think about that, It’s not a black OR white answer.

What you need to keep in mind is HOW MUCH she likes you. There’s a HUGE range of how much you can like someone. You can HATE THEIR GUTS or you can be HEAD OVER HEALS IN LOVE WITH THEM. There’s an interest level.

The interesting thing about that is that can change as quickly as the clouds in the sky. Which is part of the reason getting attached is scary! Then, when someone acts distant we begin to cling (fear of abandonment)

Here are some factors that could affect how much she likes you at any given time.

Hormone levels

Stress level (work, family, health)

Her daily routine and schedule

How much sleep she’s had

Maybe there’s another guy in the picture and that can affect her interest level.

Here’s a big one (probably the biggest one): YOUR BEHAVIOR. This depends on whether or not you’re acting strong, centered, confident and secure This is HUGE HUGE HUGE! If you act clingy, anxious, or weak, her attraction level is going to drop quickly.

So you have to be able to gauge where a woman’s interest level is at all times and adjust accordingly. Often times it’s counterintuitive. If she is acting distant, our instinct is to pull them close and pursue, when what you really need to do is back off and give her space.

To visualize her interest level, you can imagine a rating scale of 1-10. When it lowers, back away and take space for yourself.

I got an email from Daniel that says. Hey coach, I have been on a few dates with dates in the past few months but they didn’t go anywhere. I have no idea if a girl is interested in me so I never make a move. How do I know if she likes me?

Here are some things to be aware of when you’re on a date with her.

Is she making good Eye contact? Or looking around?

Does she attentive to you and your interest? Or is she bored?

How close to you is she physically? Maybe shes leaning in. Or is she distant and avoidant?

How often is she touching you and where is she touching you?

IS she flirting with you? Is she teasing you or hitting you playfully?

Is she laughing at your corny jokes? All good signs!

So Daniel wants to know, how can I make a move.

I suggest taking her arm and locking into yours and walk side by side. When you stop walking, take your arm from the lock position and put it around her waist. Kind of turn her into you and kiss her.

Now here are some things to look for when you are not together.

Any contact on social media.

Is she contacting you for any reason. Any kind of text means she is interested. It doesn’t matter what the subject is….. No matter how insignificant the text is, it means she likes you and she wants you to ask her out.

SO that’s exactly what you do. Text back and forth a few times and set a definite time and place to do something.

Women don’t contact guys they don’t like!

How To Make Her Want You

How to make her want you

Today’s video/article is about how to make a girl want you.

So there is a girl that you like and you want to get her interested or to like you back. You want to know how to get her attention.In order to make her want you, you have to get her to think about you.

Guess who women spend all their time thinking about? The guys that are confident and fun, casual and indifferent, and appear to be sought after and desired by other women.

Woman tend to be more insecure by nature (then men). This is one of the main reasons why she is attracted to strong and confident man that can provide “security” that she doesn’t feel on her own.

She is also insecure about your capacity to be confident. In order to feel it, they have to test. That is why you must show emotional strength, capacity to stay in control and confident at all times.  

I got an email here from Gary that said. Hey coach, I got a girl’s number recently that I met through a friend. We had been texting for a couple of weeks and went on a few dates. I hadn’t made the move to kiss her but I was going to on our next date.

Always go for the kiss Gary. She’ll think your either not interested in her or you’re not man enough to go for it.

We had talked about going to a local festival for the following week. I texted her to see if we were still on and she said she had a friend invite her to do something and she had forgotten about the festival.

So, she obviously isn’t prioritizing you, because if she was she would have told her friend she already had plans. That’s what a woman with a higher level of interest would do. My guess is that her interest dropped because you didn’t make a move romantically and now shes’s moving you into the friend zone and friends only.

He said: I got a little upset and said. What the heck, I thought we had plans? She replied: Wow.

You got upset and it shows you are needy and insecure.

Here are some ways that women usually test:  taking their time to return your text, flaking out on you, looking at anything they perceive to be a weakness and exploit it. If you stay calm, relaxed and appear unfazed by their behavior, they will be more attracted to you. Once you pass her tests, she’s going to be more attracted to you and thinking about you more.

Women only test men they’re interested in. Because women are insecure they often don’t trust their own instinct. That is why they LOVE a guy who is successful with women. They think, if all those girls want him, he must be a catch. If they can land him, it validates her.

Gary asked: what he can do from here?

Personally I think you probably already turned her off enough. If you want to pursue it, wait a week. Send a casual text asking how she’s doing. Try to set a date right away and ask when she’s free to get together. If she makes excuses, just move on.

The reason I say you want to be casual and fun is. You’re indifferent. That means you’re not needy.

Space and Time cause anxiety and tension. She will feel less secure in your feelings for her. She will think you have moved on and if she’s interested, she will want to spend time with you.

A good visual representation that always comes to mind for me is the woman picking the petals off a flower saying He loves me, he loves me not. The fun is in the wondering, the anxiety, and the tension. It’s no fun if she already has you.

Easiest Way To Approach A Girl

Easiest way to approach a girl

I know many guys can get anxious and stressed about meeting and approaching a pretty girl that they want to go talk to.

There’s a lot of bad information on the internet on how to approach girls and what to do.

wanted to share the worst approaches I have ever seen. I was out with some friends and a few co workers. I overheard two clueless guys talking about their idea on how to go talk to her.

They had suggested rubbing mustard on his face and acting like nothing is wrong. His belief was that if she mentions the mustard, it means she liked him.

The other guy said that was a stupid idea (I was thinking oh good, he’s trying to help). But then he said, he should put the mustard on his face when he approaches her and introduce himself as Colonel Mustard. That she was going to be Captain Catsup but he wanted to promote her to Rear Admiral (yes he was making an anal joke).

They only talked to themselves that night (and probably every night since then if they have continued with that nonsense).

I got an email from a guy who called himself the Hammer, who admits he is not very good at meeting new women and wants the latest technique.

Hammer, I am a therapist and a dating coach. I’m here to help you find fulfilling and meaningful relationships. I want to help you find a great partner where you are both crazy about each other.

Hammer says, hey coach, there’s a really pretty girl that works at my hardware store. What should I do or shouldn’t do? Don’t tell her your name is Hammer. Tell her your real name.

Don’t look like your shopping for duct tape or chloroform. Smile. Don’t look creepy. SMILE!

You should try smiling and looking for a wedding ring. If she has one on, move on. Women constantly have men hitting on them when they tell them they’re unavailable. Leave them alone.

You wouldn’t want anyone hitting on your girl. If that’s not enough, think of the type of person they would be if they did leave their partner for you. If they cheat on them, they will cheat on you.

Okay, so lets make this very Simple. Come from a place of sincerity and genuinely be curious about her. See what she is like. Just keep telling yourself, I want to see what she’s like.

There’s no more pressure. No more outcome to worry about. You are just going to see what type of person she is like. You will separate yourself from all the other guys out there. If she isn’t interested, she will likely do it in a very thoughtful sincere way (the same way you approached her).

Pay attention to small signs of interest: Here are a few to look for: When you talk with her, is she giving you short answers? Is she asking you questions? Is she keeping the conversation going? Or is she looking around for the nearest exit.

How does she look? Does she look uncomfortable or tense? Is she reaching for her pepper spray? Or is she smiling?

If you can be sincere and come from a place of just getting to know her and seeing what she is like, you will separate yourself from all the other guys chasing her and throwing themselves at her.

Taking Your Time

This video and article is called: Take your time

It talks about the importance of taking your time when you are interested in someone new.

I see a lot of mistakes that men make when they initially meet a girl and start to show interest. It’s easy to get excited when you first meet someone you are attracted to. You begin to fantasize that you have just found someone who is going to meet all your unmet needs.

The more unmet needs and childhood wounds you have, the bigger and more grandiose the fantasy. When we are starved and desperately wanting to fulfill our needs, we overlook potential red flags of partners. I got an email today that talks about this.

Danny says, Hey Craig, I really need your help with a situation that I’m going through. I first met a girl while I was out with a few friends and I really like her a lot. We talked for about 20 minutes and I asked for her number. She gave it to me as she was leaving! I have to admit I got a little over excited and started high fiving my friends when she turned around to leave. A few moments later, she turned around and saw us.

Yeah that’s embarrassing dude. In that moment, the magic was gone. You went from this totally cool dude to complete dork.  I can just imagine Danny and his buddies jumping up and down high fiving each other. She’s going to think you’ve never talked to a girl before. Some girls may think it’s endearing. But a lot of girls will be turned off and you can blow it real quick.

Danny goes on: I texted her early the next morning as I didn’t want her to forget about me. 

Come on Danny! You just met the night before and you’re afraid she forgot who you were the next morning? If she liked you she’s not going to forget about you. Not unless she got amnesia on the way home. How drunk was this girl? Is that why you think she wouldn’t remember you? This tells me Danny was neglected when he was very young. He’s very insecure and anxious. He doesn’t believe he will get his needs met unless he clings to someone. This is the way he got attention when he was small. Maybe he had a bunch of siblings, or parents with mental health issues, or generally didn’t give him what he needed.

Danny continues: She responded right away! Less than 2 minutes.

Jeez what did you have a stop watch? This guy was counting the seconds. He’s like one one thousand, two one thousand etc. You’ve already become a stage 4 clinger.

She said: Wow, you’re up early.

You know this is not good right?

Danny continues on: She talked to me about her breakfast and how she really likes waffles.

Is she Donkey from Shrek? I can see you even getting excited about this too. How much syrup do you like? I like real syrup. Real maple. It’s gotta be real syrup because for me cause I’m the real deal.

After that she went to work and she didn’t text me until she got home from work!

The nerve of this woman!

I texted her back right away. I texted her a few more times, but she hasn’t replied. I really like this girl, what should I do?

As far as this girl goes? You just need to leave her alone. You’ve already texted her several times. I don’t know what other topics you’d want to chat about (maybe pancakes or looking at brunch menus together).

You need to leave this girl alone. You have an anxious attachment style (which formed in the first few years of your life). You need to work on your issues. We all have issues in this area, but it’s about growing and being the best man you can be. If you continue to act like this with girls, they’re just going to push you away.

You have to work on yourself. If another girl comes along, no matter how she treats you. How poorly she treats you. You are going to cling to her for dear life. Because you don’t feel good about who you are. When you do, you stay in healthier relationships. Because you’re so desperate to get your needs met. You’re at a point where you you’ll take anything from anybody, and that’s not going to be a good match for you. You want to find somebody that you WANT to be with. Not need to be with.

If you stay with people because you’re needy, you’re going to take advantage of you/mistreat you. You’ll be a doormat. I’ve been there, but I’ve worked through it and you can too. By learning my strategies, you will gain an understanding yourself and your partners. When you do your relationships will be so much healthier and happier. My information will teach you to gain insight into yourself and your partner. Take your time in getting to know someone. Don’t be so anxious to put someone you  barely know, over yourself.

Opposite of Love is Hate?

The opposite of love is hate?

Some people believe the opposite of love is hate. But it’s not. It’s indifference. If you’re ever in a situation with a girl where she seems done with you. She’s probably done with you. (when I say done I mean shows no emotions. Anger and sadness are signs that she cares).

I got an E-mail from Pete who talked about how he isn’t sure if his girlfriend cares about him.  My girlfriend and I got into a huge fight a few days ago and I knew you could help.  Here’s what happened. A girl in my class and I are friends.  She asked for my number so we could work on an assignment together.  I had no problem with that as it was a difficult project.

The girl texted me to meet up at the library one day so we can get started.  While we were there together one of my girlfriend’s friend saw us together.  She called my girlfriend and tell her that I was out with another girl.

(You just know this isn’t going to be good).

She called my girlfriend and told her I was out with another girl. Later that night my girlfriend came over and asked me about it. I told her the truth but she didn’t believe me. 

(Right now I’m seeing a little insecurity. Is that about him? Something he did to hurt her in the past? Or is it about her)?

I’ve always been honest and faithful to her.  The argument escalated quickly, she broke up with me, and she left screaming I hate you.  Do you think she really hates me?

(No, I do not think she hates you. I think she may have meant it at that moment in time. Maybe she even still means it because it’s only been a couple of days, but I don’t think she really means it. She doesn’t hate you.  She may have meant it in the moment.  You have to understand that when a girl tells you how she is feeling, it’s how she’s feeling in that particular moment.  That goes for I love you and I hate you).

(Here’s a good example of what I mean.  Just the other day I was cleaning out a drawer and came across a card that an ex-girlfriend had given me.  In the card she shared how much she loved me and cared about me and would do anything for me.  Now that’s how she felt that that time.  It was a few years ago.  If I called her up and acted like we were in that moment in time from the past, she would think I was crazy). She meant it at the time, but she doesn’t mean that today- years later (when we haven’t even talked).

How can I get her back if she hates me?

(She obviously still cares about you. The opposite of hate is not love, it’s indifference.  For me, one of parole is angry at me I know she still cares.  If a woman but comes in different to you that’s another story.  If a woman becomes indifferent, then she doesn’t care about you.  If that ever happens then you need to move on, and the only thing you could do is to leave her alone and let her come back in her own terms.  However, if a woman is indifferent to you, the chances of her ever coming back are small).

My gf has had a guy cheat on her in the past and I know that it devastated her.

That’s a big part of the problem. Her reaction was not proportionate to what he did. The hurt has really caused her to feel anxious and fearful that someone else may cheat on her. He didn’t do anything wrong here. This is about her being wounded. You have to have empathy for her and understand that when someone hurts you its going to make it difficult to trust again. Help love someone’s flaws and help them grow and support them.

When she contacts you (do not contact her). Listen to what she says and really get it. Validate it by seeing the logic in it. Be real with it and provide some empathy. I can really understand what you mean by that. If I was in your shoes and I had a friend see you with another guy, I would be upset too. I would wonder what was going on too.

When you can do that you will understand her. When you can understand each other, you’ll create intimacy

So to review: Listen to what she has to say. Hear it and see the logic in it. Provide empathy for her.

And remember, just because a woman says she hates you, doesn't mean she doesn't still care. Sometimes people just say things when they're angry. Yes sometimes they really do mean it. It's important to figure out what means what.

Welcome to the Ask Craig advice section. Here you can find the latest articles and videos.

Yes, I can help you get your ex back. Watch this groovy video above.

Topic: Break ups when kids are involved.

Today’s topic is going to be how to handle a break up when kids are involved.

Now I’m not just talking about if you had a child with this person. I’m talking about when you or they had a kid going into the relationship. I have been in that situation and it was literally the hardest break up of my life. And I will share that embarrassing tale today.

I have a great quote that I wanted to share about break ups. The Great Sigmund Freud Said: We are never so vulnerable as when we love, and never so hopelessly unhappy as when we lose the object of our love.

So it’s bad enough that we lose the person we love during a break up, but often times we lose other people we really care about. They count too. Believe it not they matter. We know these people for years and they often become a huge part of our life. It can be friends, family, kids. And often times we lose contact with all of them. Especially because break ups can cause so much drama, everyone starts taking sides.

So I want to start with an email from Bryan today. He says: Hey coach, I was hoping you could help me out with my break up. I feel lost. I am heartbroken and I think I’m depressed. I can barely eat. I eat once a day and I barely have any appetite. I lay awake at night crying. I keep checking my phone to see if she’s called. Last night I made myself sick while I was crying and threw up all over myself. I’ve had throbbing headaches and I can literally sit in a chair for hours and not even turn on the t.v. My girlfriend said she isn’t attracted to me anymore and broke up with me.

We’ve been together for 4 years and I had no idea she was so unhappy. She said she only sees me as a friend and wants to start dating other people.

Talk about pouring salt on the wounds. Dude I am so sorry that’s happening to you. You sound depressed.He continues to add that she had two sons who I love like my own two kids. I took them to all their little league games.

Honestly, I have been in your shoes. You sound depressed. I’ve definitely gotten depressed over some of my break ups.I felt and I looked like a lost child. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I had no desire to do anything.  All I could think about was my ex and her kid.

She had two sons who I love like my own two kids. I took them to all their little league games. We used to do everything together. Their own father wants nothing to do with them, but they call me dad. They call me from their phone all the time and ask me where I am.

I can tell you from experience you have to grieve. For a long time I was very sad. I was about as sad as you Bryan. I would wake up in cold sweats. I would think about her daughter and cry. I would stalk her Facebook. One time she posted a Facebook picture of her daughter, I missed her so much I cried.

The difficult part was that I was angry at my ex. I knew she was being immature and selfish (it ran in her family). But I just missed her daughter.

I know what It’s like to be inyour shoes. I wish there had been a break up coach out there for me. Someone that knew what I was going through. TO talk with. Who had THE REAL answers as to what can get them back.  That’s why I do this. I want to coach you through it. I want to give you, what I needed during my break ups.

As a therapist I’ve learned that we often give other people the thing we wish we had gotten. That’s one reason you’ll know I’m going to be able to help. Because I am offering you the very best strategies that I wish I had gotten. That nobody knew and yes they did help me get back with an ex that literally everyone in my life said I would never get back.

He wants to know if there's anything he can do to get her back? He thinks the grand gesture will work. It ain't like the movies. The grand gesture is a complete lie. You can go ahead and do it and nail the coffin of your relationship. I did it. When a girlfriend broke up with me and I thought it was just a fight. I waited until she went to work and I planted flowers, put down mulch, I did the whole front yard. She came home and she was pissed. That's what the grand gesture will do for you.

Is there anything he can do to get her back? I know most guys want to do something. The grand gesture. I’m sorry to say, but they actually cause harm more than anything.

Yes and no. Don't try talking to her, her friends and family. I used to make that mistake ALL THE TIME.

Do not contact her for any reason. Take space for yourself. Look at how your behavior has been clingy, needy and weak.

If you leave her alone, and she was ever attached to you, she will revisit the situation. She will reconsider getting back with you. But that is only on her terms. You have to let her come back to you. She will contact you (and likely it will be something that seems insignificant reason). Understand, that any time a woman contacts you after a break up, its because shes testing the waters to see how you'll respond. Very rarely does a woman say "I miss you. I made a mistake" or anything even similar. It will be something like, "can you send me your Moms recipe for meatballs?" It's not about the meatballs. She wants to see how you'll respond and she's hoping you'll know to ask her on a date. 

Make a date. Hang out, have fun. Have her come to your place (after all she broke up with you and has to earn YOU back), cook dinner, get wine. Be romantical.

As far as when kids are involved. You have different feelings for different people. In order to move on, get angry at your ex. You have to get angry to move on. But you will have to grieve and morn the loss of the kids in your life (assuming you do not get back with your ex).

Welcome to the site!

Welcome to Ask Craig! Thank you for coming! I know your time is valuable so I always consider that when creating new content to share. You can expect to find the information that I feel will best help you in your romantic life, relationships, and break ups. I am constantly looking for ways to share things that I know will help you personally. I understand that all relationships or break ups are different, but many of the problems are the same. I also know how incredibly painful they can be (it's that pain that lead me to figuring out relationships and break ups). I can help you find your blind spots which will create an opportunity for you to grow and make significant and long lasting changes through awareness and consciousness. Sign up for coaching and get my help personally. Tell me your story, let me hear what is going on and I will give you the support, help, and guidance in whatever area you are struggling! Yes, I can really help you get her back! (it's my biggest question). Please understand that I am very limited with my Skype Coaching sessions each week (since I have a very full case load locally) and I fill up very quickly. The sooner you sign up, the quicker we can arrange a Skype Coaching Session or Email. I will do my best to give you the help I would have wanted when I was in your shoes!