What NOT To Do When Meeting Your Ex (4 HUGE Mistakes)

In this video, I'm going to be talking to about what not to do around your ex. You know, after somebody's broken up with us and we're just overwhelmed by emotions, we start acting irrationally. We start doing a lot of things that maybe we're embarrassed of or ashamed of later, and we kind of lose our emotional balance. And so we become so focused and obsessed on trying to get them back that we don't think clearly, we get like tunnel vision. And it's important to understand that how you behave is going to make a major impact on whether or not your ex will revisit the idea of getting back with you. A lot of times, we get so overwhelmed with emotions. When we get in front of our ex that we lose our balance again, we go back into our old mindset of the breakup, and it's important that you have to try and start fresh. You don't want to try and be in that dynamic of that person has all the power and you feel powerless, but that's often how we feel is we feel stuck in where we were when they made the decision, because in a lot of cases, time has passed the balance. Isn't as shifted as you thought it was, especially if they're agreeing to meet with you or they're wanting to meet with you in person, it's not as unbalanced where they were cutting you out of their life totally. Or they were so set in their decision. At least it's less likely to be that way because they're agreeing to meet up with you. So I've got four really important tips for you guys on how to act around your ex, because it's really, really important. You don't make these mistakes. The first thing you want to make sure you don't do is come on too strong.

Craig (02:38):

Okay? A lot of times you're trying to desperately get an answer from them on what they want and why they're meeting up with you. And if they're gonna give you another shot, right? You're so obsessed with, are they going to give us another shot? Are they gonna give me another chance that you will come on strong? Obviously your ex is meeting up with you so they have some kind of agenda. There's a reason they're meeting up with you, right. Something inside of them is making them say, okay, I want to see you. I want to get together whether or not it's they want to get you back or they want to talk about, about things or maybe they want to get with you just for closure. Sometimes an ex will miss you for a certain amount of time. And they'll think about you and they'll think about getting back with you, but they're like, you know, I don't think it's going to work and they'll actually kind of in their own mind, meet up with you for closure. And so if they're in that mindset of I'm going there, just to make sure I'm done with this and I'm over it, and you start to behave in an attractive way, that idea of closure can be thrown out the window. And there'll be like, wow, I really had a good time. And they really did make all these changes. I didn't think I would want to, but I actually am open to another shot at this. And that actually happens a lot. So even if you think that they're there for closure, stay calm. If you behave in a way where you do, they might change their mind. Okay. This next one I really like too don't make a big deal about the breakup.

Craig (04:20):

And there's a really funny story that I like. I love from Larry, David, I don't know if you know who Larry David is. He's one of my favorite comedian slash writers. He wrote the Seinfeld show and curb your enthusiasm. And I find him absolutely hysterical. And there's a great story about him that he shares where when he was working on Saturday night, live as a writer many, many years ago in the seventies, way before he was famous he helped on the show trying to get sketches on the air. Well, one night he didn't stay for the read through and the boss kind of saw him. The producer was like, where are you going? And he's like, well, I'm going home. I wrote a couple sketches. I wrote a couple of ideas, gotta get outta here. Like we always stay all night for the readthrough. And he's like, well, why, why would you do that? That's stupid. We've had weeks to work on this. Why would you stay an extra eight to 10 hours? I want to go home. So he goes home. Well, after that point, he rounds up not getting any of his sketches or ideas on the air. They probably are upset at him for what happened. So he had written a bunch of great sketches that he really liked. And he said they were working and it looked like they were good on the air, but they all got canceled. And so finally he has it and he gets so annoyed. He screams at the producer, that's it, I'm done. This show stinks. I've had it. And he's just start yelling at the guy. He just blows up and he goes, I quit. You're never going to see me again.

Craig (05:59):

So he starts walking home and he's all upset and he's angry. And then he thinks to himself, wait you know, this is going to cost me a lot of money. I had enough money from this job to pay for my bills for the next two years. What am I doing? I don't know what's going on. I don't know if I should have done this. So he goes home and his neighbor's like, what are you doing here? You're here early. And his neighbor was actually Kenny Kramer, the guy that the Kramer character was based on. So he tells him what happened and how he had quit his job. And he blew up and screamed at him and everything else. And his buddy Kramer looks at him and goes, well, why don't you just go back there on Monday and pretend that it never happened. So that's what he did a Monday.

Craig (06:50):

He goes in, he's in front of everybody. He sits at the table meeting. Everybody's looking at him like, what are you doing here? You blew up, you quit. And he's just acting like it never happened. And the producer looks at him and asked him what his sketch ideas are. And he tells him, and he didn't wind up getting fired, even though he technically quit. But my point of this story is, is that when you're in front of your ex, try not to make a big deal of it. Like, you know, he did, he like, it didn't really happen. So you kind of want to act like the breakup didn't really happen. One of my mistakes with the Applebee's girls was I kept talking about my feelings, how much she had hurt me, how badly I missed her daughter. And I kept kind of emphasizing it instead of focusing on, Hey, just having a great time with them again.

Craig (07:40):

So try not to make a big deal about the breakup. Can't act like it didn't happen altogether, but if it comes up, you talk about it. Right? Okay. Third one. Don't assume you have to get them back in that first meeting. Okay. This is a big mistake. It's not now or never. It feels like it's now or never. Like if I don't nail this down, if I don't talk about it, if I don't know where they're at or what we're doing here in that initial meetup, it feels like you're going to be scared and anxious and confused, and you're going to lose them. That's not the case. Okay. I had that fearful mindset back in the day, but you don't need to be that afraid that if you don't get them back after that meetup, that it won't happen. Your goal, your focus is leaving a great impression and showing them how different you are and the dynamic is not the, they have all the power and they broke up with you that you had just when the breakup happened. Okay. One more. And I want to share this as another one that I saw that was really unfortunate. I've seen quite a few times, getting too comfortable too soon. Okay. So I have had several clients that actually got back with their ex, but they went back to their old ways really quickly and it blew their shot. Okay. So you're going to find that if you're not vigilant with yourself, you're going to go back to your insecure ways. As soon as you get comfortable again, okay. You got to look at it like you're on probation. Tell yourself that if I get my ex, I'm going to continue to work as hard as you are right now for nine months, say nine months. Because if you do, and you really stick to that, you will make really long lasting changes. Okay? But if you give up right, when you get them back, I just hear it all the time. A month, two months after you get them back, you're going to go back to those old ways. I had one guy who had been in no contact for like a year, and this guy did tremendous amounts of work. He'd done a lot of work. He'd done the workbooks he'd been working really hard, totally changed himself. Well, first couple of times, he went out with her. Things were great. They had even hooked up. He was really happy. Third date. He made a big mistake that was one of her major complaints in the relationship.

Craig (10:25):

He did it on the third date and that was it. She was done. And she wound up never coming back and giving them another shot after that. She was so fed up and it was crazy because honestly the mistake wasn't that big, but in his situation, because it was something that had to upset her about their dynamic, she was like, you see, it is the same way that it's going to be. And then she started dating somebody else. Actually. Now that I think about it after that third date, so you don't want to get comfortable too soon and go back to your old ways. Otherwise you're going to be in for another breakup. Okay. So hopefully you found these tips helpful. And if they, if you did make sure you put a like on the video for me to support the channel.