Will My Ex Think About Me On Valentine's Day?

Craig (00:00):

Today. We're going to be talking about, will my ex think about me on Valentine's day? Well, if you're going through a breakup, that's a particularly difficult day. Yeah. And you are pretty much obsessing about your ex that day. Unot necessarily where they're at or what they're doing, but you just keep thinking about them. It's going to be everywhere because love is going to be everywhere on TV.

Margaret (01:08):

Absolutely. You cannot get away from social

Craig (01:10):

Media. You see what friends are doing? You hear what friends are doing and it just makes you feel awful. Yeah. So you're thinking about them nonstop, right? And so you're like, are they even thinking about me?

Margaret (01:24):

Or have they just moved on?

Craig (01:27):

To me? I think how could they not think about you? Right. That's right. How could they not think about you when, even if they're not wanting to be with you, even if they don't want a relationship right now, how could they not think about the person that they've spent, you know, probably last Valentine's day with, for many of you and how would they not be able to think about what you did last Valentine's day? I think that's a big thing.

Margaret (01:57):

Absolutely. You're going to remember what you did last year. Yeah. Or at any happy Valentine's days of the past. Of course.

Craig (02:06):

You know, when a holiday comes up, I think we often are reminded of the last one, you know, last Christmas last, last birthday. Yeah. And so I think it's normal. And how could they, you just can't put a push that out of your unconscious.

Margaret (02:21):

No, it is impossible to move on and never think back.

Craig (02:26):

Yeah. And even though you feel like they're not wondering how you're doing, maybe they've said we're never going to date again. I don't care about you anymore. Even if they're dating somebody new, it doesn't mean that they're not going to think about you. It's just the way we're wired.

Margaret (02:42):

Right. It's the way we're wired,

Craig (02:43):

The attachment that we have to other people is just so overwhelming. Those intrusive thoughts, they're going to experience it too. Right. so it doesn't necessarily mean that they're to want to get back with you, right? We're not saying that just because they're thinking about you, they're going to want to repair things or then they're going to come back. We can't say that, but we really feel like if you leave them alone, it's going to impact them and they have to sit with that. Right. And we say that all the time, because we just know how important it is that, you know, you may be tempted to reach out, but I think it's more powerful if you don't reach it.

Margaret (03:25):

That's right. And even if they broke up with you, I think you pointed out earlier today. Great. They're going to wonder why you didn't.

Craig (03:34):

Yeah. I mean, I think that it's more powerful for them to feel that loss that day. That's right. Don't you? Yeah. So when you're tempted to buy them a gift, reach out see how they're doing. Just know that they are thinking about you. And I think social media is, is changing that too. Like don't you think people are going to be looking at you on that day.

Victoria (03:59):

Yeah, definitely. And you have to remember that spending Valentine's day with your partner is a privilege. So once that relationship is over, you don't want to keep giving them that privilege, that you're always accessible to them, even on holidays and special days, like Valentine's day, you want to have them experience that loss. And of course, on social media, they're going to be scrolling, seeing what you're up to seeing what other people are up to. They're going to be exposed to the same amount of, let's say, love propaganda that you are. Exactly.

Craig (04:33):

Yeah. I, I think that it's just one of those things that they may not reach out or, and I don't think they will reach out for Valentine's day because it's overwhelming. Right. Right. Like, because it's like, if you reach out on Valentine's day, it's almost like saying, "I want to fix this". And I think that's going to be too big of a step for somebody

Margaret (04:54):

Don't do it.

Craig (04:55):

I think that, you know, you should just expect not to hear from them, but that not hearing from you will really hit their unconscious and be powerful to them. Right.

Victoria (05:08):

Because they probably expect to hear from you on that day, like you were saying Margaret. Right.

Margaret (05:12):

Yeah. And I have often said to people, remember who broke up with whom, right?

Craig (05:18):

Yeah. Because even if they don't want to hear from you, I think on some level they do want to hear it from you

Margaret (05:25):

Sure they do. Right. Or at least know that you still find them attractive and wonderful and all of those good things.

Craig (05:30):

They want them back. Yes. So, you know, I think it's safe to say that most of you will know in the back of your mind, your ex is gonna think about you. Of course, you know, some of you that may have been in like a situationship or something like that, maybe not. But even then I think you're going to at least come into their unconscious at some point during the day, because we cannot wait, wipe out close relationships. It's just so easy for a thought to pop up when you're not even thinking about it. Right.

Victoria (06:05):

And romance is not something that you share with everybody. It's something that you share with select people. It's rare. Yeah. So on a day, like Valentine's day where romantic feelings are at an all time high, of course, you know, romantic partners are going to come to their mind.

Craig (06:22):

Yeah. That chemistry that you had, that connection, that feeling of, you know, maybe how good the relationship was at its peak and how long, you know, all those things are going to come back to you. Right. So I think we all kind of agree that your ex will think about you at some point during the day and wonder what's going on with you, even if the relationship ended badly. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. So we just wanted to talk about that and reassure you that we know how awful it feels. We know you feel like they don't care about you. I've been there. Right. I've been in the situation completely convinced that that person wasn't thinking about me, but they often will admit later on, "I thought about you all the time". Right. How often do we hear that? Very often. Right. And, and you feel like there's no hope, but you don't know what they're doing behind closed doors.

Victoria (07:22):

Exactly. And it can be very hard to keep that emotional self control on a day, like Valentine's day, but just remember it's even more important on days, like Valentine's day to continue to no contact and to have that emotional self-control

Craig (07:36):

Control. Yeah. I think so. I think it's more powerful for your ex not to hear from you.

Margaret (07:40):

And to give your ex the benefit of getting in touch with all of their feelings.

Margaret (07:46):

But it's going to be an emotional day for them too. And of course, whether they show it or not, I don't think they would show it. They want to keep their guard up. But that doesn't mean behind closed doors, they're not feeling that loss right. Laying down at night, trying to fall asleep, thinking about it. Cause they know they made mistakes too. Sure. They know that they cause problems in that relationship to fail. Even if they're putting all the blame on you, they have to get to that point at some time. Right. So hopefully this makes you feel a little bit better about Valentine's day. And just knowing that there's a very good chance that they're thinking about you wondering how you are, wondering what's going on with you and that they're struggling with that day too. Right? Okay. Hopefully you found this video helpful. And of course, if you want to get our help personally, just go to my website, askcraig.net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you.

My Ex Said I'll Always Love You

Craig (00:00):

Today we're going to be talking about I'll always love you. You know, Margaret, that is actually something that comes up quite often in breakups, where somebody will say to their partner, I'll always love you, I want the best for you, but they can't do the relationship anymore. Okay. Now, in many cases, it's because there was a situation that kept going on over and over again, and they got frustrated and fed up and they didn't want to deal with it anymore, but there are always very unique situations and breakups. And I say that all the time, every situation is different. Every breakup is different. And I thought this was a really interesting email coaching that I had today that I think you guys will like. This is from a woman in her mid forties, single mother, and a guy in his late thirties. Now he doesn't have any kids. She says we had a passionate, loving relationship for nine months. He was affectionate, always telling me how much he loved me. He's from a wealthy family. I won't say what his dad's career is, but it was a let's say a successful career who had a father who was egotistical and impossible to please. Eric would do anything to try and impress him. His mother left Eric when he was a small child, let's say around kindergarten age, he still won't speak to her. He stayed living with his dad and he had a privileged life, but not one full of love and warmth. It was materially privileged. Yeah. His ex-wife was a trust fund child and had no need to work. At first, he worked at a job. Let's say an average job. I'm not going to say the career. Um but his wife gave him an ultimatum of giving up work and traveling the world with her or she would divorce him.

Margaret (02:53):

I wish somebody give me that one.

Craig (02:58):

Sounds pretty terrible. Doesn't it? Yeah. Give up working and travel the world with me. I won't do it. I won't do it. I will do it. I will do it. Not during coronavirus though. No, I won't do it then. He gave up his job and traveled for years living off her family's fortune. He told me she was not a nice person and extremely controlling. After over 10 years of marriage, one day she disappeared.

Margaret (03:30):

Oh Lord, just like his mother.

Craig (03:33):

Then he got divorce papers delivered stating he would not receive any of the family's money. He was depressed for several years, not working or seeing anyone else until he met me. He got a job in sales and seemed happy and confident in his work and we had a great time in our relationship. COVID hit. Then he was placed on furlough. This is when things started going downhill for us. He has a sibling that had been running their father's business, but had gotten into a dispute with the dad over their pay and left suddenly. Eric stepped in as he currently wasn't working and ran the place far better than his sibling. His father was planning on retiring, but told Eric that if he wanted to continue, he could hire other people for the business by opening more businesses under their names like expanding , but dad would retire. Meanwhile, his sales job opened back up and offered him a position, a higher manager managerial position, which he turned down in favor of working for his father. Can you see the disaster coming? In the final month of our relationship, he was less affectionate and seemed off. Though he would say everything was great. When I asked about work, one night, we had an argument, nothing too serious. He apologized the next day. But then when silent for several days after that. You could already see working for the dad was going to be a nightmare. Right. Because of the way dad treats him. Something he would, would always do after disagreement, but would make up for it after a few days, meaning disappear.

Margaret (06:02):

Withdraw after a disagreement,

Craig (06:04):

When I hadn't heard from him for five days, I texted and asked him to meet me and talk. We met. I never seen him. So agitated. He admitted to me that things were terrible at work. His father was horrible to work for. Of course. Yeah. Which is why the sibling got out. Right. And he was turning into an alcoholic, the father. And I wonder if it was turning into or already was. Yeah. His sibling was now refusing to talk to either of them. And that his dad was now saying that he was just going to sell the business, leaving Eric high and dry again. But you could see the stress going on here.

Margaret (06:56):

What's he going to do with the money from the business?

Craig (06:58):

He doesn't say probably just take it and retire. But then it sounds like the sibling was wise to be autonomous.

Margaret (07:05):

Very smart sibling. Good boy.

Craig (07:07):

I think the sibling had had enough. He told me his life was a mess and that I was the only stable thing in it. He said he loved me several times and cried, ending things by saying he just can't be in a relationship with me right now. He needed to get his life together. It couldn't bear being judged, feeling like a failure.

Margaret (07:37):

So that is the least healthy thing he could have done. So first he goes back to dad, which was not a healthy idea. And now he's going to push away his only support.

Craig (07:48):

Yeah. It's very sad. Very. Let me go on. I told him that I would help him, but he said, I couldn't. After we parted that night, he sent a text, ,I attached below then said, no, that I love you always. That was six weeks ago. And that was the last I heard from him. Having found the no contact advice in time. I texted him three times since, or she said she didn't find no contact in time. I texted him three times since about two to three weeks apart, the first two times just saying that I was thinking of him just one sentence. And the third time, just three days ago saying I was going to respect his decision not to have me in his life anymore. He hasn't responded to any of them. Will he ever reach out to me again? He's ADHD and likely a fearful avoidant. Wow. This was such a sad situation.

Margaret (08:54):

It is a sad situation

Craig (08:56):

Because he didn't want to break up with her. At least from what I'm reading here, he did it because I think he was still trying to end that cycle of making his father feel disappointed with him.

Margaret (09:12):

Yeah, I think so too. But again, it's a failure of individuation. He wasn't able to say to "dad, you go take a walk down, whatever money street there. Isn't a city state street bank street". Unfortunately I agree with you. I don't think he wanted to break up either. And we see this sometimes that people think they have to break up due to circumstances and instead put themselves in a situation where they go through the circumstances without the supportive partner and it's painful to see.

Craig (09:43):

Yeah. And I think he's probably thinking about her all the time. And I think he's probably feeling like he doesn't want to give it another chance but he doesn't want to feel like a failure with her too. I think he's so overwhelmed with feeling like a failure to his father that he can't think about disappointing another person or not being there for another person while he's overwhelmed with this business situation. And stress

Margaret (10:09):

Must have quite the hold on him.

Craig (10:11):

I think so, too. And so it's particularly sad because I don't think he wanted this relationship to end. Yeah. And the, the hard part for her is where would we be a year from now or six months from now, if he hadn't gone to work for dad, would they still be together? Now? Maybe it would have led to a breakup because of other issues, but feeling like he was taken away because of dad is even more painful.

Margaret (10:38):

Right. I feel very bad for her. Yeah. I feel bad for both of them. He needs to do something.

Craig (10:45):

So she wants to know, will he ever reach out? And I think it's not a matter of does he want to reach out? I think he wants to reach out. I think it's a matter of how does he resolve things with his dad? Does he let dad continue to run his life and manipulate him?

Margaret (11:01):

And you could only hope that in a few months he will think about that when he has a chance to miss her.

Craig (11:09):

Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully he'll realize that what they had was nice and good and that, you know, there was a lot of potential there and you know, that he is able to muster up enough strength and anger towards dad to say, "you know what I love you. And if you let me run the business, my way I'll do that. But I can't do it like this and I'm not going to do it like this. So it's either, let me run it or you sell a business and I'll go find something to do."

Margaret (11:38):

That's right. That's right. But he had to make another shot. He had to take another shot at pleasing dad, which it sounds like to me is totally impossible to do anyway.

Craig (11:50):

Yeah. Oh, of course. I think dad will never be happy no matter what he does or any of his children. And I think the sibling finally figured that out and said, I'm outta here. If the sibling is able to individually, hopefully Eric will be able to do that.

Margaret (12:03):

So I wonder if the sibling is older or younger,

Craig (12:07):

You know, and that I don't remember. But I'm just thinking he might have gotten more of mom. Yeah. That's a good question. I don't remember if he said that. Sorry, but you know, he probably thought that the sibling wasn't doing a good job, dad was probably painting the picture of the sibling, not doing a good job when the sibling was probably working their butt off to try and please dad, and you know, dad, wasn't happy. So Eric is thinking, Hey, my sibling can't do this. They can't, they're doing a terrible job. I could do a better job. And maybe they, he did, maybe Eric did. But I think that dad has him kind of brainwashed that the sibling was probably doing their best to try and please that he played them off against each other, all their lives. Yeah. So this is a particularly sad situation. I think if he can, individually, you will definitely hear from him again. It's just a matter of, can he stand up to dad or how it resolved with that and not regarding, it's not regarding how we felt about you, at least from what I'm reading don't know.

Margaret (13:16):

And she's probably thinking she did this wrong or she did that. Right. I don't think she did it all. Yeah. I think this was circumstance. So let's see what happens with time alone and let him do his process and feel his feelings.

Craig (13:29):

That's right. Tough situation, sad situation. Of course, if you want to get our help personally, just go to my website askcraig.net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you.